Nothing gives me greater pleasure than shearing off the dead skin from my wife's feet with the electric pedicure gadget I bought her for Christmas.
Nothing, that is, except cutting her toenails while we watch House of Cards together.
It works both ways: my wife's state of marital bliss is rarely more intense than when she's using her thumbnails to extract a particularly stubborn blackhead from my back.
However, pulling the old man's hairs out of my nose with the same pair of tweezers she uses to pluck her eyebrows comes a close second.
Too much information? Of course, but only because you and I aren't intimately connected.
My wife and I, on the other hand, know every atom of each other's bodies, every smell, every sweat pit, and every habit, sniff, snort, peccadillo and idiosyncrasy.
And if you've been with your partner for more than a year, then you probably know he or she in just as disgustingly comfortable a way, too.
JUST A YEAR?
Yes, according to a new survey, relationships hit the comfort phase after exactly 11 months and 24 days - when you're happy to squeeze each other's spots, leave the toilet door open and tell all about ex-partners.
Now the earliness of this comfort milestone surprised me because it wasn't until I saw my wife give birth that our intimacy guards truly came down.
As any parent knows, there really is no hiding place during birth: caution – along with every possible bodily fluid – get thrown to the wind and as a man you either go with the, er, flow or realise that perhaps the intimacy being in the delivery suite brings really doesn't compare with whisky and cigars down the pub with your mates.
For me, though, it opened up a new door of self-revelation: it was certainly the first time she'd ever seen me cry, and it was certainly the first time I'd seen her naked body in a way that was about as far from sexual as it's possible to get.
Before that incredible experience, I think we were still in the Trying To Impress Mode, aka lying.
However, despite the closeness that childbirth brought to us, there are still things we don't feel comfortable about with each other – and top of that list is leaving the toilet door open!
Prudish or polite? I don't care: it's just plain wrong. Which is why I find it astonishing that couples reach that level of intimacy after being together for less than a year.
The research, by Measure, which sells digital health tests, spoke to 2,000 couples about how long it took them to used to sharing their lives and living space with each other.
And the key signs you've entered the comfort zone include allowing your other half to see you when you're sick (tick), or without make-up on (tick) and just hanging out in your jim-jams (double tick).
Other signs include feeling free to cry in front of your partner (tick), having the confidence to tell your partner if their breath pongs (tick) or if they need a squirt of deodorant (double tick).
It may seem gross to some (not us), but squeezing each other's spots or plucking stray hairs is another sign a relationship is definitely comfortable (double tick to those).
And body confidence was a continuous theme, with being more relaxed about shaving (tick), physical appearance overall (tick) and wearing swimwear in front of your partner (tick) all being cited as good markers for a close relationship.
A spokesperson for Measure said: "It's interesting to see that it takes nearly a year for people to feel they can really be comfortable around each other.
"At first we're very conscious and don't want to be seen as anything but our best, but gradually over time we let people in more and more as our trust and confidence builds.
"Some might say the signs you've reached that place in a relationship can signal an end to the romance, but it's a good sign that you're comfortable in your partner's presence and can share any topic or worry with them without fear of being judged."
TOP 30 SIGNS OF A RELATIONSHIP COMFORT ZONE
1. Not wearing make-up.
2. Not closing the bathroom door.
3. Wearing pyjamas/lounge wear.
4. Breaking wind in front of them.
5. Not shaving your legs/face.
6. Wearing your less attractive/non-matching underwear.
7. Doing his/her laundry.
8. Going to the toilet with the door open.
9. Confiding in them over health concerns.
10. Letting them look after you when you're ill.
11. You don't mind crying in front of them.
12. Taking calls/visits from their family.
13. 'Letting yourself go' without worrying about it.
14. Laughing when they take the mickey out of you.
15. Letting them have house keys.
16. Happy to have a conversation while naked.
17. Knowing their views on marriage and kids.
18. Telling them when they need a mint/deodorant.
19. Shaving in front of them.
20. Asking them to squeeze a spot/pluck a hair.
21. Not fretting at the prospect of being in swimwear in front of them.
22. Showering together.
23. Going clothes shopping together.
24. Making their lunch to take to work.
25. Answering their phone.
26. Leaving clothes at each other's houses.
27. Telling them your hang-ups.
28. Finishing each other's sentences.
29. Calling them by a pet name.
30. Talking about/knowing about ex-partners.
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