01/12/2015 13:45 GMT | Updated 01/12/2015 14:59 GMT

Leonardo DiCaprio Allegedly 'Raped Twice By A Bear' In Dubious Early Review Of 'The Revenant'

Americans reacted to Tuesday’s historic Paris summit, which could determine the future of the human species… by indulging in mass hysteria about a bear “raping” Leonardo DiCaprio.

While President Obama and other world leaders mulled the future of the planet in the French capital, the Drudge Report posted a link to an early review of ‘The Revenant,’ Fox’s Christmas day movie, under the headline:


The review, published on the conservative aggregation site, claims the ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ actor is confronted by a Yellowstone Grizzly, which invades him during a nasty mauling.

“The story of rural survivalism and revenge reaches new violent levels for a mainstream film,” the review squeals. “The bear flips Leo over and thrusts and thrusts during the explicit mauling. He is raped -- twice!"

Twitter responded with typical understatement:

Whatever the truth, (and Fox executives are already denying the scene), it could finally be DiCaprio's year for the big one....