Me every November: "I'm going to send family Christmas cards this year!"
Me every December: "Dammit, okay I'll send New Year's cards."
Me every January: "Happy Groundhog day cards it is."
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) January 10, 2018
It's not baby food if you're a hungry adult.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 10, 2018
i ask my toddler what's in the box she's holding. "chaos!" she replies. "chaos! chaos!" i know she's trying to say "crayons," but it's not like she's wrong.
— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) January 9, 2018
I don't watch awards shows because I'm a parent and all my leisure time is spent trying to get children to brush their teeth.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 8, 2018
I mean, what parent hasn't told their kid that they couldn't go to the toy store because it was sleeping?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 8, 2018
3-year-old: I like you.
Me: Well, thank you.
3: You're good at wiping my butt.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 10, 2018
In the pediatrician's office. I told a mom her toddler is cute and she said, "Thanks but I find he looks like the blonde guy from Dumb & Dumber." Fast friends.
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) January 9, 2018
A bomb cyclone sounds like whatever my kid does in the bathroom when he's supposed to be brushing his teeth in the morning.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) January 9, 2018
One of the main parts of being a dad is liking things everyone else in your family hates.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 8, 2018
My 4yo just said, "I don't like anybody in the world. It's just my thing, not liking anybody." So check out her account on here in 20 years.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 8, 2018
6: Mommy guess what? I didn't throw up in my bed this time!
Me: Oh, good!
6: I threw up on the couch.
Me: Weren't you supposed to get easier?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 10, 2018
I'm sorry fitness experts, but there is no better strength test than trying to put a coat and pair of shoes on a toddler.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) January 8, 2018
10: I'm bored!
Me: honestly, son. I buy my pants at Costco. What makes you think I have any idea what's fun?
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) January 8, 2018
He's 14 months old, and I've officially paid off the baby's birth. No returning him now, I guess?
— nora mcinerny (@noraborealis) January 8, 2018
I don't like the person I become when I'm doing a puzzle with my kids.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) January 12, 2018
Today we saw a guy at the park jogging shirtless and shoeless in shorty shorts, and my toddler yelled, "Why is he nakey??" And my 6 year old and I laughed for 100 years.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) January 8, 2018
Saying please to a toddler is like being polite to a tornado.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 7, 2018
Parenting has taught me a lot about unconditional love. Like, I didn't know how much I would be in love with baby wipes, for example.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) January 11, 2018
Thought about starting a swear jar, then realized I don't make enough money to fund it.
— Life🎉UɴPιɴтereѕтιɴɢ (@LifeUnPinterest) January 7, 2018