I'm So Weak Now

08/02/2017 17:07 GMT | Updated 09/02/2018 10:12 GMT

One of the hardest 90 mins of my life... an innocuous disagreement between brothers, one that happens all the time in any given household with young children, led to Harrison getting into one of his frustratingly repetitive meltdowns that are so difficult to diffuse.

"I hate my life, It's the worst life ever

I'm so weak now... people can do anything they want to me and I can't stop them

I hate my life....

It's the worst life ever"

Harrison sobbing uncontrollably for the best part of an hour, I had climbed on to his bed and hugged him, stroked his hair, rubbed his tummy, held him close, doing my best to console him... him repeating over and over again how much he hates his life and how weak he is.

After a while I spotted William listening at the door, with obviously sad eyes that his brother was so upset...

Harrison, between sobs, unaware of his brother at the door said,

"William doesn't understand how lucky he is, playing football and rugby, maybe I want to play football and rugby... but I can't, it's just so unfair"

William shortly after came in trying to hold back tears, I gave him a cuddle and he whispered I heard that daddy, that's really sad and went off to bed, with me promising I'd come see him in a minute,

"Let me try and settle H a bit more buddy"

A few minutes later I went to see William and lay on the bed giving him a cuddle with his head in my neck, I asked him,

"Why you so upset little man?"

He replied, "Because I was imagining how I'd feel if I couldn't play football and rugby anymore and if I was getting weaker too... I'm so sad that we used to be able to play like normal but now we can't."

He then lifted my head, held my cheeks in his little hands, looked me square in the eye and whispered,

"I know you're working so hard because you love us and I'm sorry you have to work so hard, but please save him daddy"

Broke me... I bit my lip... held it together and said,

"I'll do everything I can and try as hard as I can, I promise.... it's going to be okay little man....", tucked him in, kissed him and wished him sweet dreams.

And in the end that's all I can do, my utter and very very best.