REVIEW: Made In Chelsea - Love Triangles Abound

23/10/2012 10:19 BST | Updated 22/12/2012 10:12 GMT

It wouldn't be Made In Chelsea without socially incestuous relationships, and Monday night's episode was a trigonometry lesson of lust-induced interaction. With love triangles and double dates all round, episode two of the new series was full of Chelsea maths.

Binky and Jamie have finally decided to see if their wonderfully child-like friendship can stand to something more, in the form of the mature date choice of golf. However, it's not long until Jamie's fate to be an unmarried cuckold strikes (Louise, remember?), as two of the three identikit new boys in town show up in a golf buggy to ask Binky out on a date. Which she agrees to. Awks.

From this point on, nearly every person in Chelsea is blurring those essential friendship group lines: Spencer and new boy Stevie are found in a steam room together, discussing hair removal, Rosie and Millie have put aside their canyon-sized differences to celebrate the arrival of a new squidgy-looking puppy and, despite last week's warnings, Andy conveniently pops up in Sloane Square to discuss his hots for Louise (on a lunch break, despite his offices being in The City.)

It doesn't take long for the boys to question Spencer's sneaky move of invading the New Kid "full package", however, and once again Jamie is at risk of donning his grey tracksuit of misery and lounging around on his L-shaped sofa (Louise, remember?) as he has a deep and meaningful with why Spence and Stevie are striking up a new bromance.

Thankfully, Chelsea calculations are simplified by the equation of: people can only date if they have the same colour hair, which cleared up both double dates in the episode. Both also featured stilted, awkward conversation and no real signs of romance. One of the eight datees, Olly, is still having his flexible sexuality debated with serious faces by (naturally) Detective Cheska and Binky, who concede that his recent drastic haircut is because he wants a girlfriend.

Jamie, meanwhile, can smell the tracksuit of misery on the horizon, and after being told by Binky at Spencer's underwhelming birthday party to frankly make his mind up and take her, take her now, promptly does so, with the first Chelsea incest kiss of the season. Hoorah!

Of course, this is not the happy Pythagoras's theorum to solve the relationship crises of Chelsea - how dull would that be! Next week promises more dramz, and the inevitable, yet exciting, return of Caggie. Louise, get those claws sharpened.