30/10/2012 10:41 GMT | Updated 30/12/2012 05:12 GMT

REVIEW: Made In Chelsea - Ghosts of Lovers Past

Maybe it was something to do with Halloween, but Monday night's Made In Chelsea was all about the ghosts of lovers past. Well, if 'ghosts' meant alive young people, and 'lovers' meant school-era flings, awkward coffee dates and producer-induced kisses.

Because, with the fateful, foolish words "Spencer and I are pretty indestructible", Louise summoned Sophia, the well-cheekboned beauty and ex-squeeze of Spencer, who has been in New York (does he keep all of his past conquests there?).

Sophia (who has much better hair than any of the Chelsea girls) promptly launched into a deliciously patronising monologue, musing on Spenny's pant-invading days and chuckling to herself about how Louise has managed to 'tame' him. "It's quite sweet to see you together", she purred. Yes, we're laughing with disbelief too.

Sophia went on to poorly chat up Francis (immune to her charms) and Andy (desperate for them), feign friendship with Louise and further haunt Chelsea.

The spirit of romance also struck Gabriella and Ollie, who find themselves both giggling on a four poster bed during a detox retreat. Maybe all that tyrannical branch-whipping went to their heads, but is that envy Ollie expresses over Gabriella's new Greek boyfriend? They truly were the most bizarre couple we've ever seen in Chelsea, but we'd all pay good money to watch it again.

In another part of SW3, Binky was frantically checking her phone for news from Jamie, who was busily not getting in touch due to making 'magic' cake with his Kandy Kittens - the scantily-clad, red-brick educated women he's employed for his dubious business prospect.

Dubious business prospects also abound at the show's closing boat party, where Disney Prince Richard whipped out a bit of rubber on his wrist, announcing that it can open his car, house and make him tea. Nobody's convinced.

Instead, the distinctly un-tropical boat party descended into the Ship Of Sad. Binky told Jamie where to shove it (somewhere Kandy Kitten-shaped), before they've even got to second base. Meanwhile Detective Cheska, desperately clinging on to Binky's sloppy seconds in the form of Sam, got fobbed off with something about being "mates".

So how will life continue in Chelsea? Surely this naff Binky-Jamie narrative has got to give up soon. Will Cheska ever be kissed? Will Millie's dog ever wake up? Hopefully next week will explain all.