Life After Divorce: 8 Ways You Are Going To Get Through The Breakup Of Your Marriage

8 Ways You Are Going To Get Through Your Divorce
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Divorce rates tend to be at their highest in January, but knowing you're one of the many people going through the breakdown of a marriage doesn't make things any easier.

But to show you that things will get better, we've summed up tips and advice from HuffPost UK bloggers on how to get through divorce.

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1. Rediscover who you are

Divorcee and life coach Sara Davison believes rediscovering who you are at your core is a key part of your recovery process.

"Your true identity will often get lost in a relationship as you become co-dependent in order to keep the relationship alive," she blogs.

"It's a good idea to take some time to think about how you would like to redesign your new future and set some new goals.

"There are some great coaches and also lots of self help books available to guide you through the process. It's well worth the investment of time as just by having a focus for your future you will start to feel better.

"It will declutter the chaos of the unknown and the fear of change that always accompanies the end of a relationship. You will be amazed at how setting small simple steps will give you a reason to keep moving forward."

2. Be careful who you listen to

Solicitor and entrepreneur Lauren Riley recommends seeking professional legal help as soon as possible, then blocking out the background noise.

"I probably can't even count the amount of times a client came to me with advice they have picked up from X down the pub or Y's sister's friend's uncle," she blogs.

"It's great that people want to help at difficult times and of course friends and family are invaluable. However, they are unlikely to be the best source of legal advice.

"Cases are decided on the individual circumstances of each case, therefore two peoples' experiences and outcomes are likely to differ greatly.

"Trust the expert advice you are paying for. If you have doubts about your legal representative then seek the advice of another. It took many years to qualify into our roles, there is a good reason for that."

3. Let your employer know what's going on

Mixing your personal life with your work life may sounds terrifying, but sometimes it really is the best option.

Divorce mentor Liz Copeland says: "You cannot expect your HR department to hold your hand through this emotional time.

"However, getting them on side will help ease your time at work if you have to take time off to attend legal meetings or find that you now start needing to do things like pick up children from school etc as your family timetable has changed.

"Let them know what is happening, but do reassure them that you have put practical measures into place to make sure that your work will not be affected."

4. Learn that you are a better parent after divorce

If you have children, chances are you've spent a long time worrying about how your divorce will affect them. But once you accept that you are a better parent when you are single this guilt will be far easier to handle.

"Single parenting brings a flexibility which allows going to the cinema on the spur of the moment or indulging in an impromptu picnic. I do not have to check with the other parent or plan events far in advance," Soila Sindiyo blogs.

"Instead of viewing life as an obstacle course, it is an adventure with serendipitous moments post-divorce.

"My sons give this feedback about single parenthood. They claim I listen to them intently now which in turn enables them to feel more valued. We discuss our lives in depth instead of merely skimming the surface as was done pre-divorce."

5. Don't drink and text

Whether you're tempted to text your ex a soppy message or slag them off to a mutual friend, alcohol will only make matter worse.

"A couple of drinks won't make you Shakespeare. Or adorable. They just won't," Karen Young blogs.

"Alcohol is a depressant so best to stay away if you're on a downhill slide. If you are going to have a drink, protect yourself from the temptation to drunk-text.

"You're human. You'll want to. But don't trust the courage that's fed by a decent pinot. Give your phone to a friend and explain that unless you're sober, she's to feed it to wolves before giving it back to you."

6. Exercise

According to relationship therapist John Howard, exercise can help lower stress and anxiety by stimulating the production of positive hormones and neurochemicals and is therefore helpful when going through divorce.

"Exercise is known to ward off depression and helps us channel our emotions through physical activity. Daily exercise of 20-30 minutes, or three times a week for 50 minutes, seems to be enough to derive the benefits," he says.

"Be careful of over-exercising as a way to channel stress as that can place additional burdens on your system at a time when it needs resources to handle your feelings. Adding extra B vitamins to your diet has also been shown to have positive effects on your mental wellbeing."

7. Get outside

"Take a stroll with the kids or the dog so that you get some fresh air and enjoy your surroundings," Ian Oliver blogs.

"Really look at the sky, birds, flowers and stop to enjoy them. Sometimes when it seems like your whole world is crashing down on you, you have to remember to stop and enjoy the little things.

"Life itself is beautiful, and during this time we need a reminder."

8. Date again, when you're ready

According to Lovestruck.com founder Brett Harding everyone is different when it comes to feeling ready to date again after divorce and studies show that there is "no predetermined time after a divorce or break-up before you feel ready to start dating again".

"While moving into another relationship quickly will short circuit the healing process, it is crucial to get the timing right," he blogs.

"Don't date until your are ready because it if you are serious about finding love again, you need to understand the reasons your last relationship didn't work and to have grieved properly for it."

Books To Read During Divorce
How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed: A Memoir of Starting Over by Theo Pauline Nestor (01 of22)
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"When I realized that my husband was gone and it was now just me and our four children, I felt not only terrified but alone. All around me were my married friends, happily living their lives, making dinners, having Saturday night dates with other couples, planning trips. No one got it -- until I picked up Theo Pauline Nestor's memoir How To Sleep Alone In A King Size Bed and read this line: 'I feel like I’ve joined an enormous club, something like the Veterans of Foreign Wars. We are weary with battle fatigue and sometimes even gripped by nostalgia for the good old, bad old days, but our numbers are large.' Clearly, Theo got it. -Amy Koko
Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie (02 of22)
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"During my divorce I was left with tons of questions and not enough answers. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself was like my Bible for almost two years. Suddenly it was like I understood what was happening. I knew that I was not alone. And I knew that I should love myself, even if my marriage was over." -Carol Schaffer
The Power of Now: A Guide To Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle(03 of22)
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"I was living in my head, fretting about the days to come, especially the initial court date. It sucked. This book helped me focus on what was right in front of me: my daughters. I owe it to my mom for sharing this one with me." -Jon Vaughn
Wild by Cheryl Strayed (04 of22)
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"If I could recommend any book to divorced readers, it would be Wild for its can-do independent message!" - Jennifer Cullen
No One Is to Blame by Bob Hoffman(05 of22)
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"I read this when my marriage fell apart and I was exhausted from reading books about how to survive infidelity. The book, which led me to take the course based on it, changed my life; it helped me realize how my family-of-origin issues were influencing my own family and how compassion and forgiveness -- for others and myself -- were essential to healing." -Vicki Larson
Milking the Moon: A Southerner's Story of Life on This Planet by Eugene Walter(06 of22)
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"It’s about a life sumptuously lived. Eugene Walter was a founder of the Paris Review, a cryptographer in World War II, and an actor in Fellini films, among other adventures. He loved interesting people and was an incredibly literate, funny, charming person himself. Why read it while divorcing? Because Walter sets the example for a life well lived alone and in good company. This book never fails to cheer and inspire me." -Tracy Schorn
Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris(07 of22)
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"This short story collection helped me laugh when nothing in the world seemed funny. Being able to find humor and laughter in really dark times reminds you that maybe not today, but one day, you'll be OK again. And no one writes like Sedaris. He is smart and funny and full of interesting observations about the human condition. It's a good book to take a day off with from your divorce." -Ann marie Houghtailing
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie (08 of22)
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"This book showed me how to stop attaching the judgments of 'good' and 'bad' to what was happening and move out of feeling like a victim. Letting go of all my 'shoulds' about marriage, divorce and relationships brought a huge sense of freedom to my life!" -Tammy Letherer
The Power of Intention: Learning To Co-create Your World Your Way by Dr. Wayne Dyer (09 of22)
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"This brilliant book gave me permission to trust my intuition and provided me with a greater awareness of my power within. It provided strong pillars to lean on whenever self-doubt crept in and tried to sabotage my efforts. My collaborative divorce with my ex was built on the many nuggets of wisdom in this book and I am grateful to this day." -Carolyn Flower
The Awakening by Kate Chopin(10 of22)
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"Through various phases of my divorce and the aftermath I have turned to The Awakening, a novel about a woman choosing life on her own terms, outside of what the rest of the world expects of her. Tragic ending aside, it's an inspiration." -Emma Johnson
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirschenbaum(11 of22)
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"This book alone was a lifesaver for me in deciding what to do as I struggled at the end of my marriage. As women, I think we often try to convince ourselves that things aren't as bad as they seem or that we know we need to 'fix' the state of our marriage but we aren't sure where to start. This book helped pull me out of the grey area and examine what was working in my marriage and what was not. It felt like a relief to approach my emotions with a little bit of logic. And ultimately, it helped propel me to action." -Nicole Jankowski
Falling Apart in One Piece: One Optimist's Journey Through the Hell of Divorce by Stacy Morrison(12 of22)
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"This memoir is hilarious but most importantly, it reminded me that I would be OK." -Lindsey Jones
Eat, Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (13 of22)
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"It's the best possible book to read. It's about ruin and heartache, being true to your authentic self and transformation and love. Everyone should read Liz Gilbert, but especially those in the middle of a major heartache. She's brilliant." -Kasey Ferris
Stop Walking On Eggshells by Paul T. Mason, MS and Randi Kreger(14 of22)
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"You learn you can't fix crazy. And that it's OK to leave chaos." -John Robert Williams
The Art of Happiness In A Troubled World by the Dalai Lama(15 of22)
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"Through this book, the Dalai Lama taught me that I had to learn happiness (or contentness) resided within me all along, whether I was married or single or divorced." -Shelley Wetton
Transformational Divorce: Discover Yourself, Reclaim Your Dreams, and Embrace Life's Unlimited Possibilities by Karen Kahn Wilson(16 of22)
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"Written by a divorce coach and therapist, this book changed my perspective on my experience so that I could focus on where to go from here. After being in a marriage where I was always trying to change to accommodate my partner's wishes, divorce was a wake-up call to reconnect with the woman I was before marriage. The reflections, advice and activities in this book helped me clarify the new life I was rebuilding." -Beth Cone Kramer
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path To Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron(17 of22)
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"There's an exercise to write three pages every day in this book. On my worst days, it forced me out of bed when I wanted to hide from the world. I dumped my fears and hopes into a journal and that freed me. I faced the rest of the day with self-confidence and a belief that I would not just survive, but thrive." -Katherine Forsythe
Co-Parenting Works!: Helping Your Children Thrive After Divorce by Tammy Daughtry(18 of22)
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"This self-help book has such a positive outlook and vibe to it. It addresses different issues that come up during co-parenting but frames them in a way that motivates the reader to take a step back and deal with those issues in a more productive and positive manner." -Leah Porritt
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron(19 of22)
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"Pema Chodron became a Buddhist after her husband told her he had been having an affair and wanted a divorce. She couldn't find anything that helped her heal but then she found her way through studying Buddhism. I love her writing -- she is both funny and profound -- and this is the book of hers to pick up if you're dealing with any kind of major life change.Thanks to her writing, I began my (imperfect) meditation practice years ago." -Robin Amos Kahn
The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart by Constance Ahrons(20 of22)
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"It's a bit on the 'case-study' side but this had a wealth of information on creating a positive post-divorce relationship with children involved." -Terri Shook
Let's Pretend This Never Happened: (A Mostly True Memoir) by Jenny Lawson(21 of22)
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"This memoir has NOTHING to do with divorce or co-parenting...which is exactly why it was so helpful. Humor is an important aspect of dealing with difficult situations. Laughing keeps you sane. I literally laughed out loud reading this book -- just trust me, you've gotta read it." -Leah Porritt
Secrets of Longevity: Hundreds of Ways To Live To Be 100 by Maoshing Ni (22 of22)
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"Reading this during my divorce was empowering, inspiring and made me focus on my well-being instead of what I was not able to control in my life." -Tamsen Fadal