We tend to think cheating is something that happens to other people and not in our own relationships.
That’s according to a new study, which suggests we may view infidelity with rose-tinted glasses close to home.
The study found that people in relationships tend to think their own partner has a much lower chance of cheating than the average person of the opposite sex.
In other words, feeling loved-up can make us all a bit deluded.
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During the study researchers from the University of Calgary and McMaster Children’s Hospital spoke to 200 individuals who had been in a relationship for an average of 22 months.
The participants were all in heterosexual relationships and were aged between 17 and 32 years old. The majority indicated that they classed their relationship as “exclusive”.
Using an online questionnaire, the researchers were able to compare the average person’s attitudes and experiences of cheating in their own relationship to how they viewed cheating outside of their relationship.
When talking about other people in similar relationships to their own, the average participant estimated there was a 42% a person of the opposite sex had cheated on their partner or would do so at some point in the future.
In comparison, just 5% of those questioned believed there was a chance their own partner had cheated in the past, while 8% feared they may do so in the future.
In reality, around 9% of the study participants reported having actually cheated on their own partner at some point in the past.
“Add this pattern of results to the lowest published rate of infidelity in dating relationships ― 14% ― and it becomes pretty clear that folks are engaging in some fairly (risky) wishful thinking.”
The study also revealed that fidelity and trust is something most people think is vital to a happy relationship.
Almost all daters in the study said it’s “very important” that their partners don’t cheat on them and more than nine out of 10 said they’d want to know if their partner had cheated.
Despite this, the majority (seven out of 10) of those surveyed said they had not spoken to their partner about fidelity and not discussed what “counts” as cheating.
Previous research published in the journal Sexual & Relationship Therapy indicated that men and women have different views when it comes to cheating.
The study found that almost half of women (49%) considered sexting to be a form of cheating compared with just over one third (34%) of men.
"Ask yourself one key question, can I assume positive intent when it comes to this person?” says holistic coach Ekene Onu. This matters because in most good relationships, the answer is yes — and changing your mindset to consider that can provide you with needed perspective. "Even when your partner does something that impacts you negatively, if you can assume positive intent then your approach to conflict resolution will likely be different because you know that they didn't intend to hurt you,” she says. (credit:Tetra Images via Getty Images)
Laying Blame(02 of11)
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Constantly looking for someone to blame in the relationship when things go wrong can really add a negative tone to your interactions over time. "Instead of blaming your partner for something you don't like or upsets you, try a softer approach like saying, 'I feel upset or hurt when you leave your clothes on the floor after I told you that bothers me,’” says psychotherapist Jessica Marchena. “You can also say, 'I feel unheard and my feelings don't matter to you.’" (credit:Jupiterimages, Brand X Pictures via Getty Images)
Waking Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed(03 of11)
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Make an effort to start the day off on a positive note by avoiding morning nagging and arguing, says blogger Surabhi Surendra. "Morning is the most important time of the day and thus if spent peacefully and in a loving, thankful way can lead to a peaceful, happy day,” she says. (credit:Picturenet via Getty Images)
No Longer Sharing Your Dreams(04 of11)
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Couples often share their dreams with each other in their early days, Onu says, but don’t necessarily keep that up over the years. They might stop for a variety of reasons, big and small — but continuing to picture your partner in your future dreams can help you keep him or her in your resent, she says. (credit:Betsie Van Der Meer via Getty Images)
Becoming Complacent(05 of11)
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It’s natural that after a long period of time together, you fall into a day-to-day routine. And when we all live such busy lives, it can be hard to break from the regular cycle of work-kids-housework-repeat. But that can lead couples to feel more like roommates than romantic partners. "You can repair this issue by setting goals together for you as a romantic couple,” says relationship coach Ravid Yosef. “Try date nights, holding each other while watching TV, sitting down for dinner and speaking to each other — kid-free, logistics-free talk time or doing things you love doing together." (credit:MaxRiesgo via Getty Images)
Never Saying 'I Love You'(06 of11)
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Never saying “I love you”: Making a point of sharing your feelings, even briefly, can be a good reminder to you and your partner of why you’re in for the long haul when things are tough day to day. "This builds emotional connection,” says Marchena. "Even sending an 'I love you' text lets your mate know that you are thinking of them." (credit:Barbara Penoyar via Getty Images)
Cutting Out The Kisses(07 of11)
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It’s easy for little gestures like hugs and kisses to slowly fall out of a relationship, but they’re important to hold on to because they can help maintain your intimacy in small ways when life is busy. "I have been married for more than six years and we still begin our mornings either with a kiss or a hug,” Surendra says. "Nothing can beat this daily ritual." (credit:Halfdark via Getty Images)
Always Being (Digitally) Connected(08 of11)
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Just making a point of spending time together that doesn’t involve screens can increase you emotional connection by giving you more opportunities to really talk, or to cuddle without phones and laptops in the way. "Put the phone down after a certain time and do something together, even if it is just watching TV or a movie,” Marchena says. "And also make a rule that there are to be no screens at the dinner table. Or cuddle and be together without the screens." (credit:mediaphotos via Getty Images)
Doing Everything Separately(09 of11)
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"Shared experiences bond partners,” Onu says. You don’t have to do everything together — but if the only experiences you share are the mundane ones of running your household, then you’re missing out on a simple way to grow your bond as a couple. "Make an effort to have more shared experiences than not,” Onu suggests. “It gives you something to remember when things get tough.” Getting back to that can be as simple as scheduling a regular date night, signing up for a class together, or planning a vacation with just the two of you. (credit:DavidsAdventures via Getty Images)
Living In The Past(10 of11)
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"We're neurologically programmed to predict the future based on our past,” says Yosef, "and so we make a lot of assumptions about how our partner feels and how they will react instead of actually acknowledging what's happening in the moment and dealing with it appropriately.” Take the time to be mindful of your thoughts and what is really behind them before you just run on them based on past behaviour in your relationships or assumptions about your partner’s intentions. “Ask yourself, is this a feeling or a fact?” she says. (credit:Daniel Laflor via Getty Images)
Never Looking Inward(11 of11)
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"Self awareness is a powerful tool of success in every area of life — particularly in relationships,” Onu says. Take some time to think about who you are and what you need from a relationship. For example, are you an introvert who needs regular alone time to recharge and bring your best self to your partner? Knowing things like that can help your relationship by making it easier to explain your needs to your partner, or to understand theirs. (credit:Jupiterimages via Getty Images)