How To Help Someone With Depression: Advice On Signs And How To Provide Support | HuffPost Life

How To Help Someone With Depression

Rachel Moss— The Huffington Post UK

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A quarter of us are likely to suffer from mental health issues at some point in our lifetime, yet we still shy away from talking about illnesses such as depression with those around us.

Nearly a third of people in England (28%) would feel uncomfortable asking someone close to them about a mental health problem, according to Time To Change, the anti-stigma programme run by the charities Mind and Rethink Mental Illness.

When asked why, 32% of people said they would avoid the topic because they "wouldn't know what to say".

"Despite recent progress in starting to break down stigma, our latest survey shows that some people still worry about saying or doing the wrong thing so end up not talking about mental health at all," says Sue Baker, director of Time To Change.

"Asking someone how they are, sending a text or arranging to meet up are some of the small but very meaningful gestures that can make the world of difference."

So how do you approach the subject of depression with a loved-one for the first time?

Dr Sheri Jacobson, a clinical director at Harley Therapy, says it can be useful to research the symptoms of depression before approaching a friend or family member you believe may be suffering, in order to separate the facts from your assumptions.

"Just because you are not getting along with someone or they aren't as happy as usual doesn't necessarily mean they are depressed. They could just be stressed or experiencing a life change," she tells HuffPost UK Lifestyle.

While depression has many symptoms and can exhibit differently from one person to the next, there are a few key things to look out for.

"Look for marked changes in their usual behaviours and moods that don't seem connected to circumstance and that don't ease after several weeks," Dr Jacobson says.

"Have they stopped going out on the weekend? Are they not taking their work seriously, or have they stopped talking about things they care about? Is their self-care regime dropping, are they no longer dressing smartly or watching their drinking? It's also common for sufferers to show no interest in hobbies and activities they usually love."

Depression may also make people appear to be more tired than usual and they may display a change in appetite, such as under-eating or overeating.

If you think that a loved-one needs help, Dr Jacobson says you should be wary of "telling" them about their behaviour and instead, focus on "asking".

"Instead of saying 'I think you are depressed' or 'you should go to therapy', ask them, 'how are you feeling lately?', 'what's going on for you?'.

"Make sure you approach the topic in privacy and at a good time for the other person and keep the conversation one-on-one. It's not helpful for someone feeling low to feel ganged up on, exposed, or cornered when they are unprepared," she says.

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Throughout this initial talk and any following conversations you have with your loved-one about depression, Dr Jacobson believes focussing on empathy, as opposed to sympathy, can be helpful.

"Sympathy is pity, such as 'poor you', and leaves someone feeling ashamed. Empathy, 'I wish I could understand how that must feel', is more an attempt to see their viewpoint," she says.

"Take the conversation seriously, too. It's not something to casually drop in right before a film starts at the cinema, for example."

On a practical level, compiling a list of local support groups and low cost counsellors, or finding out what your friend's work insurance covers, can also be useful.

You may also want to discuss booking an appointment with their GP and offer to go with them, if that is what they'd like.

Approaching the topic of depression may not only help your friend, it can also lift a weight off your own shoulders.

Angelique Winston worked with Time To Change on their #SmallThings campaign, which aims to highlight the small things that can make a big difference when it comes to mental health.

"After my friend told me that she was struggling with her mental health I felt an immense sense of relief and also privileged that I was the person that she opened up to," she says.

"I was surprised because she was the strong one and she always was the one who could handle things. I just took her hand and said 'just keep on talking'. I think it was just the action of holding her hand and just saying 'keep talking, I’m listening'.

"There doesn’t have to be grand gestures in supporting a loved-one with a mental health problem. There are times when I haven’t heard from my friend for a few days. I’ll just send her a text to let her know that I’m thinking of her.

"Talking to someone about their mental health for the first time can be daunting but my biggest piece of advice would be to find someone you trust and then start the conversation, whatever way you feel comfortable and whatever the environment, just start that conversation."

For more advice on depression and other mental health issues, visit Mind.

The Facts About Depression Symptoms

Negative Feelings (01 of15)

Do you have persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness that have lingered for at least two weeks and occur throughout the day, every day or nearly every day? Are these feelings interfering with school or work, or your relationships? This is a key symptom of clinical depression. We all have negative thoughts from time to time, and it’s natural to be sad when there is a serious event in our lives, like a death. The difference with clinical depression is that the feelings stick around and interfere with your ability to live your life day to day. (credit:Shuji Kobayashi via Getty Images)

Fatigue(02 of15)

Many people with depression find it difficult to get out of bed — and we're not just talking about hitting the snooze button. For some, getting up seems nearly impossible. They may also find themselves spending unusual amounts of time in bed throughout the day, or having trouble with normal activities because of fatigue. (credit:digitalskillet via Getty Images)

Changes In Sleeping Patterns (03 of15)

As tired as you may be, if you’re depressed you might also have trouble sleeping. Marked changes in sleeping patterns, like insomnia or increased time spent sleeping, is another symptom of clinical depression. (credit:Casarsa via Getty Images)

Changes In Appetite (04 of15)

Some people either gain or lose weight when they have clinical depression because of their change in appetite. For some, this means an increase in appetite and possibly weight gain as a result. Others lose their appetite and struggle to eat much at all. In either case, a significant change is worth investigating. (credit:Sami Sarkis via Getty Images)

Loss Of Interest In Fun Activities (05 of15)

We all have times when we feel a bit more introverted than usual, but when people have clinical depression, they can lose the sense of pleasure they used to get from their favourite activities or from engaging with others. This isolation can make it harder for friends and loved ones to see the other symptoms of depression a person may be exhibiting, which makes it more difficult to know when a person needs help. (credit:David Ryle via Getty Images)

Difficulty Concentrating (06 of15)

It’s more often thought of as a symptom of ADHD, but an inability to concentrate or hold focus on one’s activities can be a sign of clinical depression. Of course, if someone with clinical depression is also having trouble sleeping, not eating well or has lost interest in regular activities, this symptom can be amplified. (credit:kieferpix via Getty Images)

Suicidal Thoughts (07 of15)

This is the most serious symptom of depression, says Dr. Joe Taravella, a psychologist and the supervisor of Rusk’s Pediatric Psychology Service at NYU-Langone Medical Center in New York. “When you’re severely depressed, suicidal thoughts can become so prominent, you begin to make a plan for ending your life, as you feel there are no other options.” If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, seek help or tell a trusted person in your life and ask for help — call your doctor, call 911, or go to an emergency room. And never assume that a person who talks about suicide won’t do it. If someone tells you they are feeling suicidal or discusses plans to end their life, always take it seriously and get help. (credit:AlexRaths via Getty Images)

Chronic Irritability (08 of15)

“Many people don’t realize that low levels of chronic irritability and anger can mask an underlying depression,” Taravella says, “which can be undiagnosed and untreated for years.” A study released last year found that more than half of men and women who were experiencing a major depressive episode reported irritability as a symptom. Constant irritability is also a symptom of depression seen in teenagers and children, one that could be written off as normal growing pains or teenage behaviour. (credit:Thomas Barwick via Getty Images)

Physical Pain(09 of15)

Yes, depression can literally hurt. There is increasing recognition of the physical symptoms of depression, which include headaches, stomach pain, and back pain. One study found half of patients with depression from around the world reported unexplained physical symptoms. But because these physical symptoms are often vague or have no logical explanation, they can be missed as as symptom of depression. (credit:JGI/Jamie Grill via Getty Images)

Lack Of Daily Hygiene (10 of15)

For people with severe depression, basic tasks of self care can seem too overwhelming to undertake, Taravella says. As well, personal hygiene may seem unimportant if you are feeling hopeless or worthless. If someone in your life is showing a marked decrease in personal hygiene, don’t assume they are simply lazy. (credit:Canonzoom via Getty Images)

Memory Problems (11 of15)

Going along with trouble with concentration, people with clinical depression often have memory issues that can add to their difficulties in maintaining day-to-day activities. “As a result of these symptoms, they are more likely to become inattentive to their environment and prone to falls and injuries,” he adds. A 2013 study found that this could be because clinical depression impairs the process of “pattern separation,” which is the ability to distinguish between things and experiences that are similar. (credit:Simon Winnall via Getty Images)

Harmful Activities (12 of15)

Some people who show signs of depression engage in what Taravella refers to as “externalizing behaviours,” which include substance abuse and risk-taking activities. Men are more likely to do it, he says. These behaviours can be a sign of an underlying mental-health problem, particularly if they’re out of the ordinary for the individual. (credit:Daniel Grizelj via Getty Images)

If You Think You Have Symptoms Of Depression (13 of15)

“If you recognize symptoms of depression, take action and immediately seek professional help,” Taravella advises. There are valuable resources out there, he says, including psychotherapy and antidepressants. Many people also find some relief with meditation and exercise, often in conjunction with other treatments. It can be difficult to navigate the process of finding the right help, especially if you are having trouble just getting out of bed. Try talking to a trusted friend or family member who can help you research options and even call a therapist for you. (credit:Paul Bradbury via Getty Images)

Once You Start Your Treatment(14 of15)

It can take time for depression treatments to start making a difference, which is frustrating when you've taken the difficult step of admitting you need help. But while you work on medication and/or therapy, there are things you can do. Be as active as you can, Taravella says, and try to see friends. “Create small goals for yourself each week but don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself,” he suggests. While it can take time for depression symptoms to begin to lift, it may be worth seeking different treatment options if you are not seeing any improvement after two months. (credit:moodboard via Getty Images)

How To Help Someone With Depression (15 of15)

“The best way to help someone who is depressed is to be a constant source of support for them,” Taravella says. This can sometimes be difficult, however, because people with depression tend to isolate themselves despite your efforts to stay in touch and/or get involved. You may also be able to help someone by making a doctor’s appointment for them. It’s a simple task to request an appointment, but for someone who is severely depressed it can seem incredibly daunting. (credit:PeopleImages.com via Getty Images)

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