When you’re working through relationship struggles, sometimes some wise words from a third party are just what you need to see a different perspective.
On Reddit, people have been sharing the best relationship advice they’ve ever been given.
So if you feel like your love life could do with a reboot, take some of this wisdom on board.
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Do the small things.
“’Can I show you this thing I made? Want to walk the dog with me quickly?’ just small stuff like that.
“I read somewhere that your willingness to do those things can determine a lot of your marriage. Sometimes I definitely don’t want to get off the couch and help my wife with something, but I know she really appreciates it when I do.
“It helps her feel loved and appreciated in ways that you just can’t when it’s only the big things. Big things build the structure, little things fill in the gaps.”
“I’m one of those people that absolutely sucks at knowing what to say when trying to comfort someone and I’ll always wind up saying something that just makes it worse.
“I think the best relationship advice I have ever received is that you don’t have to always verbally comfort them and you can still let them know you care by just being there - holding their hand or just sitting with them while they’re sad. This has saved me from saying the wrong thing so many times.”
“I am very vocal and physically affectionate whereas my husband shows he loves me by doing things for me, like the dishes and grocery shopping. Things that need to get done and I don’t really enjoy doing.
“It is sometimes very difficult for me to remember that he is doing those things because he loves me and not because it’s ‘his job’ and also to remember to make sure to do those things for him so he really feels like I love him too.
“He has also had to learn to be more vocally and physically affectionate which is a huge change for him because his family hardly hugged or said ‘I love you’ and almost never kissed.
“We both love each other more than anything but sometimes it can get lost in translation.”
“When you argue in front of someone, make sure that you apologise in front of them too. It helps people see that your relationship is not only arguments.
“This is especially true if you have children, as they need to see peaceful conflict resolution and not just the conflict.”
“You have to love someone for who they actually are (faults and all), not who you want them to be or even who you think they can become.
“Don’t get into a relationship with someone you want to ‘fix’, because there is a good chance you can’t fix them. There is a good chance they will never be the best person they are capable of being.”
"Ask yourself one key question, can I assume positive intent when it comes to this person?” says holistic coach Ekene Onu. This matters because in most good relationships, the answer is yes — and changing your mindset to consider that can provide you with needed perspective. "Even when your partner does something that impacts you negatively, if you can assume positive intent then your approach to conflict resolution will likely be different because you know that they didn't intend to hurt you,” she says. (credit:Tetra Images via Getty Images)
Laying Blame(02 of11)
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Constantly looking for someone to blame in the relationship when things go wrong can really add a negative tone to your interactions over time. "Instead of blaming your partner for something you don't like or upsets you, try a softer approach like saying, 'I feel upset or hurt when you leave your clothes on the floor after I told you that bothers me,’” says psychotherapist Jessica Marchena. “You can also say, 'I feel unheard and my feelings don't matter to you.’" (credit:Jupiterimages, Brand X Pictures via Getty Images)
Waking Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed(03 of11)
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Make an effort to start the day off on a positive note by avoiding morning nagging and arguing, says blogger Surabhi Surendra. "Morning is the most important time of the day and thus if spent peacefully and in a loving, thankful way can lead to a peaceful, happy day,” she says. (credit:Picturenet via Getty Images)
No Longer Sharing Your Dreams(04 of11)
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Couples often share their dreams with each other in their early days, Onu says, but don’t necessarily keep that up over the years. They might stop for a variety of reasons, big and small — but continuing to picture your partner in your future dreams can help you keep him or her in your resent, she says. (credit:Betsie Van Der Meer via Getty Images)
Becoming Complacent(05 of11)
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It’s natural that after a long period of time together, you fall into a day-to-day routine. And when we all live such busy lives, it can be hard to break from the regular cycle of work-kids-housework-repeat. But that can lead couples to feel more like roommates than romantic partners. "You can repair this issue by setting goals together for you as a romantic couple,” says relationship coach Ravid Yosef. “Try date nights, holding each other while watching TV, sitting down for dinner and speaking to each other — kid-free, logistics-free talk time or doing things you love doing together." (credit:MaxRiesgo via Getty Images)
Never Saying 'I Love You'(06 of11)
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Never saying “I love you”: Making a point of sharing your feelings, even briefly, can be a good reminder to you and your partner of why you’re in for the long haul when things are tough day to day. "This builds emotional connection,” says Marchena. "Even sending an 'I love you' text lets your mate know that you are thinking of them." (credit:Barbara Penoyar via Getty Images)
Cutting Out The Kisses(07 of11)
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It’s easy for little gestures like hugs and kisses to slowly fall out of a relationship, but they’re important to hold on to because they can help maintain your intimacy in small ways when life is busy. "I have been married for more than six years and we still begin our mornings either with a kiss or a hug,” Surendra says. "Nothing can beat this daily ritual." (credit:Halfdark via Getty Images)
Always Being (Digitally) Connected(08 of11)
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Just making a point of spending time together that doesn’t involve screens can increase you emotional connection by giving you more opportunities to really talk, or to cuddle without phones and laptops in the way. "Put the phone down after a certain time and do something together, even if it is just watching TV or a movie,” Marchena says. "And also make a rule that there are to be no screens at the dinner table. Or cuddle and be together without the screens." (credit:mediaphotos via Getty Images)
Doing Everything Separately(09 of11)
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"Shared experiences bond partners,” Onu says. You don’t have to do everything together — but if the only experiences you share are the mundane ones of running your household, then you’re missing out on a simple way to grow your bond as a couple. "Make an effort to have more shared experiences than not,” Onu suggests. “It gives you something to remember when things get tough.” Getting back to that can be as simple as scheduling a regular date night, signing up for a class together, or planning a vacation with just the two of you. (credit:DavidsAdventures via Getty Images)
Living In The Past(10 of11)
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"We're neurologically programmed to predict the future based on our past,” says Yosef, "and so we make a lot of assumptions about how our partner feels and how they will react instead of actually acknowledging what's happening in the moment and dealing with it appropriately.” Take the time to be mindful of your thoughts and what is really behind them before you just run on them based on past behaviour in your relationships or assumptions about your partner’s intentions. “Ask yourself, is this a feeling or a fact?” she says. (credit:Daniel Laflor via Getty Images)
Never Looking Inward(11 of11)
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"Self awareness is a powerful tool of success in every area of life — particularly in relationships,” Onu says. Take some time to think about who you are and what you need from a relationship. For example, are you an introvert who needs regular alone time to recharge and bring your best self to your partner? Knowing things like that can help your relationship by making it easier to explain your needs to your partner, or to understand theirs. (credit:Jupiterimages via Getty Images)