A campaign has launched to highlight the fact that children are often the forgotten victims when violence occurs in the home.
Refuge, the country’s leading domestic violence charity, has partnered with Facebook to launch the new campaign titled #givethemrefuge.
A powerful short film, featured above, has been released on Christmas Eve to launch the campaign.
The film highlights the shocking fact that 750,000 children witness domestic violence each year - an experience which can have a profound and lasting impact.
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At first glance the film seems similar to many other happy scenes we see at this time of year. A child is being filmed by her older sister happily unwrapping gifts on Christmas morning.
However, in the background, an unsettling argument unfolds between the children’s mother and father.
As the verbal and physical violence escalates, the older sister tries to distract the younger sibling from the raised voices in the background.
After a few moments she drops the phone that she is filming with and the screen goes blank. The two children run upstairs to escape what is sadly a commonplace domestic violence incident.
While the film is fictional, it is based a typical daily reality for the 750,000 children living with domestic violence in the UK every year.
Someone who was once one of these children is Amanda*.
She said: "From as young as I can remember I witnessed my father abuse, threaten and intimidate my mum; my brother, mother and I lived in daily fear and terror.
"It was only after a frantic phone call I had with my father that I knew he would fulfil his threat to ‘smash her brains against the wall’ and kill my mother.
"It was after that phone call that we made an escape to the sanctity of a refuge. I was 10 years old then; I’m 22 now.
"Even today, I look back and thank my lucky stars that we were able to access support from Refuge.
"Not only did the refuge give us safety, anonymity and a place to overcome our trauma and rebuild our lives, but my brother and I had the opportunity to enjoy our childhood and also start over.
“I am ashamed that the state does not protect funding for the vital services that Refuge runs. Imagine if we had not had access to a refuge – would I be alive today? Would my brother, my mother?"
Amanda said she would urge anyone watching the new video to reach out and contact Refuge, donate, and share the film so that others do the same.
"Together we can save services and ensure children like me and my brother get the support they so desperately need and deserve," she said.
Commenting ahead of the campaign launch, Sandra Horley, CBE, chief executive of Refuge said: "Women and children experience domestic violence all year round – and for many 25 December will be like any other day, filled with fear and uncertainty.
"Refuge supports over 3,300 women and children every day – women and children just like those in the video; children just like Amanda and her brother.
"On any given day two thirds of our residents are children. For those who escape and come to one of our refuges we offer so much more than a roof over a woman and her children’s head; we offer vital support that gives women and children the building blocks to start a new life.
"Yet the places of safety we run are under threat. Refuge is fighting to raise funds to keep its services running. Which is why Refuge is enormously grateful to Facebook for backing this campaign – with the financial climate look set to get worse we need support more than ever.
"Please share #givethemrefuge and donate to save our services. Today’s children are tomorrow’s future – they need and deserve this life-changing and life-saving support more than you could ever imagine."
Links you may find useful:
Refuge - Domestic violence help for women and children - 0808 2000 247
Visit Women's Aid - support for abused women and children – or call the National Domestic Violence Helpline, run by Women’s Aid and Refuge, on 0808 2000 247
Broken Rainbow - The LGBT domestic violence charity - 0845 2 60 55 60
Men’s Advice Line for advice and support for men experiencing domestic violence and abuse - 0808 801 0327
*Names were changed to protect identity
10 Lies From Childhood Domestic Violence
Guilt (01 of10)
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The Lie: You are somehow responsible for what happened in your home when you were a child. It was somehow your fault or you could have stopped it – or there is just something wrong with you.Why: As a child, the emotional brain is fully developed, but the neocortex—the logical thinking center—is not fully developed until adulthood. Children are able to feel the emotion fully but are unable to understand what is happening, to understand the truth. Thus, a child can falsely conclude the violence is his or her fault.The Truth: It’s never a child’s job to control the actions of adults. I know that guilt and shame destroy willpower and this false belief has held me back long enough. I am free from the environment of childhood. It is now time to be free from the illusion of guilt and shame. (credit:Getty Images)
Resentment(02 of10)
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The Lie: You are not a good person deep down because you resent others and their happiness. You must live in resentment and bitterness toward those who hurt you; your resentment will make them hurt and you will feel better. Why: Because of what you experienced, you are prone to resentment—the accumulation of anger that has gone unexpressed. Anyone who had a childhood, has something you never had, which can lead to thoughts like, “It wasn’t fair, they don’t deserve it, I hope they fail.”The Truth: Those who have suffered in childhood, truly understand suffering. Because of this I want to take the suffering away. I am compassionate. I do not cause pain in others; I naturally want to help take the pain away in others. I am compassionate, and today if a feeling of resentment comes over me, I immediately remind myself of these truths. (credit:Getty)
Sadness(03 of10)
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The Lie: Feeling sad is a constant that will always be with you. Things can be going great, but then a few minutes later, you sink into sadness and cannot get out. This is just how you are. You go through life focused on yourself. You consciously and subconsciously mourn the loss of your childhood.Why: You feel as though you lost something: love from your parents, your childhood, etc. You believe that you are destined in life to continue to experience loss and hurt. This sadness is made worse when you hurt others, with words or otherwise.The Truth: Today, I will take the time to feel those things for which I am most grateful. I can sleep through the night. I am free. I am becoming aware of how my childhood has had an impact on me. I am grateful. (credit:Getty)
Loneliness(04 of10)
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The Lie: You are alone and it was meant to be that way; no one can truly deep down understand or connect with you and that is just as well because they can’t be trusted and you will push them away.Why: When you don’t trust the people on whom your entire life depends, when they are under attack or behave unpredictably and sometimes cruelly, your emotional world is turned to chaos, and it’s hard to feel safe or trust anyone.The Truth: It's hard to trust others when I don’t trust myself, it's hard to trust myself when I don’t know myself. I now know some of the most important truths of my life and only now can approach new situations with a positive intent, assuming another’s intent is positive is the key to trusting. (credit:Getty)
Anger(05 of10)
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The Lie: You believe anger is an effective way to solve problems and deal with conflict. It replaces the lack of control, certainty, significance and security you lived without as a child.Why: As a child, you witnessed adults reacting in anger and are mirroring what you saw. Unconsciously, you learned that such a response was normal, so when you believe your needs aren’t being met, you use anger as a kind of payback to teach others a lesson.The Truth: I can take the energy that anger produces and control it, harness it and point it towards the thing with which I am most passionate. I use the acronym, "DATA." I decide what the emotion is, I ask, "What else could this mean?" I remind myself of the truth, and then I act in a way that moves me closer to my full potential. I choose to pursue my passions that move me closer to what I want in my life. (credit:Getty)
Hopelessness(06 of10)
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The Lie: Life is hopeless and it will never get better, so in the end why bother trying? Good things don’t happen to people like you.Why: When it seems that no matter what you do, you still feel more bad than good each day, it seems like happiness will elude you throughout life. When there is no certainty or security, there is no hope. When you can’t control the pain and suffering around you, your expectations are low. It’s safer to expect the worst because it always ends up that way.The Truth: I was guided out my childhood and I am guided now. I now know I am not alone. I am inspired by the success of others who have come before me who grew up living with domestic violence and whose experiences I use as lessons to help me fulfill my own potential. (credit:Getty)
Worthlessness(07 of10)
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The Lie: You need the approval and recognition of others to replace the genuine lack of esteem you feel inside. Why: You believe the people who were supposed to care for you the most either did not or were unable to. Thus, if they didn’t think you were worth protecting and loving, why should you feel that way about yourself?The Truth: Whenever I doubt that I am good enough, I will remind myself of what I have already overcome. The truth is that no obstacle I face as an adult can compare to the obstacles I faced in childhood and have already overcome. I am accomplished. (credit:Getty)
Fear(08 of10)
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The Lie: You are destined to go through life allowing fear and anxiety to hold you back, to stop you from realizing your goals and dreams. Deep down, you believe you lack confidence.Why: Exposure to chronic stress puts the part of the brain that detects danger on high alert. Fear becomes to default response to everything and you naturally focus on all the bad things that could happen.The Truth: There is no fear that I could potentially face this day that will compare to the fears that I have already faced and have overcome. There is nothing that can be thrown at me that I can’t handle. I am confident. (credit:Getty)
Self-Consciousness(09 of10)
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The Lie: You are unattractive and flawed and everyone is judging you. You are self-conscious and feel not good enough. You rely on affirmations from others and look to external fixes to make you feel attractive.Why: Harsh criticisms and put-downs early in life left behind these lies that have been carried into adulthood. Non-physical violence wrecks children’s self-confidence. It humiliates them and leads them to believe that they’re unattractive and undeserving of love and it carries into adulthood. And if you believe all of these lies about yourself, deep down, how could you not feel self conscious?The Truth: Now that I know the truths of my life, I act as such. When I act as though I am free, compassionate, grateful, guided, trusting, accomplished, confident and lovable, I am more attractive and I feel more attractive. (credit:Getty)
Being Unloved(10 of10)
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The Lie: You are unlovable and unworthy of love. You doubt whether you deserve to be loved.Why: A lack of love early in life interferes with your sense of self. You believe you weren’t loved by those who created you, so you wonder who else could ever truly love you.The Truth: Now that I know the truths are inside of me, I can I give freely the feelings I most want to feel. In doing so, I feel love, I am loved. (credit:Getty)