What Is Sex Addiction? Signs To Look Out For And Where To Find Help

Ozzy Osbourne has said he's receiving therapy for sex addiction.

Ozzy Osbourne has opened up about receiving “intense therapy” for sex addiction.

But what is sex addiction and is there a difference between an addict and someone who just likes sex?

Peter Saddington, a sex therapist from the relationships charity Relate, says “sexual addiction” is a term used to describe any sexual activity that feels “out of control” and as though you are unable to stop.

“Having a very high sex drive does not make you a sex ‘addict’,” he adds.

“Neither does engaging in specific sexual activities, having many partners, looking at porn or engaging in cyber-sex.”

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Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP

According to Saddington, the nature of your sexual preferences is irrelevant when it comes to diagnosing sex addiction.

What matters, is whether you can control your impulses to engage in those preferences and whether or not that is having a negative impact on you or your relationship.

He says the biggest sign of sex addiction is that you’re engaging in some kind of sexual activity that you want to stop but are unable to.

“Perhaps the behaviours are having a negative impact on your relationship or are resulting in debt or financial issues,” he adds.

“If it feels like something you’re ashamed of and that you need to be secretive about then this could also be a warning sign. 

“Behaviours associated with a sexual addiction include using pornography, visiting sex workers, cyber-sex including chat sites, telephone sex, sex with strangers and multiple affairs.”

He adds that men and women often present signs of sex addiction in different ways.

“Generally, with women who have a sex addiction, it’s much more likely that they’ll be having multiple affairs and sex with strangers,” he says.

“For men, pornography, visiting sex workers and telephone sex are more common behaviours. Women are generally looking for the relationship and emotional connection but for men its often about the sex itself.”

However, he adds that everyone is different and there are always exceptions to these broad trends.

Brian Whitney, who has received therapy for his reliance on sex and attended Sex Addicts Anonymous in the US, says his “major issue” was infidelity.

“I was often involved in three or four different relationships at once,” he explains in a blog on The Huffington Post.

“I got an enormous rush from having multiple sexual partners and lying to all of them. This wasn’t about sex, although I did enjoy that; it was about control and power.

He adds: “I couldn’t stop. No matter what happened, no matter how bad things got, even when I lost marriages, homes and jobs because of my sexual behaviour. Instead of stopping I was getting further into it, going into darker and more depraved places.”

Whitney says finding the right therapist and going to rehab has helped him to manage his addiction.

According to Saddington, there’s also lots of help available for sex addicts in the UK.

“Relate provides sexual addiction services for individuals and for couples,” he says.

“I also run 14-16 week group therapy courses for men with sexual addiction at Relate Nottingham and Relate Oxfordshire runs similar courses.

“We’d also advise talking to your GP if you are worried about your sexual behaviour as they can signpost you to relevant local services. The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (ATSAC) also has a website where you can do an online assessment and find a therapist in your.” 

Whoever you go to for support, Saddington says it’s important to check that the counsellor or therapist has sexual addiction training.

Sadly, sexual addiction is shrouded in stigma and Saddington says there’s “a lot of shame attached to it”, meaning those suffering sometimes avoid reaching out for help.

“It’s perhaps more socially acceptable to say you have an alcohol problem, for example, but when it comes to sexual addiction people are less comfortable talking about it,” he says.

“Generally partners find it very hard to get support and to talk about the issue with friends and family as they are often too embarrassed.

“The behaviour goes against some people’s values and they can’t understand why they are acting this way, so they feel ashamed.”

But there’s no need to suffer in silence. Saddington says the key is to get support as early on as possible, as it is possible to turn sex addiction around and stop it from impacting negatively on your life. 

Visit www.relate.org.uk/sex to find out more.  

8 Surprising Addictions
Gambling Addiction(01 of08)
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Constantly bucking your odds? Of all behavioural addictions, an addiction to gambling is the one that most closely resembles drug and alcohol addiction. Though the American Psychiatric Association (APA) currently considers compulsive gambling to be an impulse control disorder, the organization is seriously considering reclassifying it as an addictive disorder. In fact, studies show that gambling addictions light up the same areas of the brain as drug addictions — and treatment for compulsive gambling is usually included in the same type of therapy settings as drug and alcohol abuse. (credit:Shutterstock)
Sex Addiction(02 of08)
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Thanks to big names such as Tiger Woods and Anthony Weiner, the topic of sex addiction is frequently in the news. But is a sweet tooth for sex a real addiction? Perhaps: Though it’s not formally classified as an addiction (yet), there are treatments for it, and the APA is considering adding addictive sexual behaviour to its updated Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders under the heading “hypersexual behaviour disorder.” In addition, the symptoms of sex addiction — including loss of control and disregard for risks and consequences — are very similar to those of traditional addictions. What’s a sex addict to do? Like drugs, alcohol, and even gambling, addiction treatments for hypersexual activity seem to respond best to 12-step programs, such as Sex Addicts Anonymous. (credit:Shutterstock)
Internet Addiction(03 of08)
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We’re living in a wired world — but is it possible to be too plugged in? Psychologists don't generally consider Internet addiction a true addiction, but it can be a true problem for some people. An addiction to the Internet involves loss of control, as well as negative consequences at work and at home. One recent study even found that compulsive use of the World Wide Web may occupy up to 11 hours out of an “Internet addict’s" day. Other studies suggest that compulsive Internet use affects 6 to 14 percent of Internet users. (credit:Shutterstock)
Shopping Addiction(04 of08)
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Shopping: It’s yet another behaviour that, when it spins out of control, is considered to be an impulse control disorder (rather than a true addiction). Do you purchase items to avoid feeling sad — but then feel guilty afterwards? Do you have a closet full of clothes that still have the price tags on them? You could be a shopaholic. Studies show that compulsive shopping affects more women than men, and that it can result in big problems, both financially and personally. How can you get help? Treatment for a shopping addiction usually involves counseling and behavioural therapy. (credit:Shutterstock)
Video Game Addiction(05 of08)
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Can’t get your hands off that game console? Research shows that video game addiction is most common in boys and men — and one recent study even found that as many as one in 10 video players between the ages of 8 and 18 are “out-of-control gamers” (and games like EverQuest and World of Warcraft begin to feel more like reality than fantasy). If you’re addicted to your video games, treatments include counseling and behaviour modification. (credit:Shutterstock)
Plastic Surgery Addiction(06 of08)
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To improve the way they look, some people go under the knife again and again … and again. In fact, people with a propensity for plastic surgery may obsessively go from doctor to doctor until they find a plastic surgeon or dermatologist who agrees to treat them. The truth is, these people are more likely to be suffering from body dysmorphic disorder than a cosmetic surgery addiction. People with BDD, about 1 to 2 percent of the population and up to 15 percent of plastic surgery patients, are preoccupied with their appearance and are hell-bent on the idea that they are ugly or deformed. (credit:Shutterstock)
Food Addiction(07 of08)
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For years, Americans have argued over whether food obsessions can actually be food addictions — or whether this “disorder” is more of an excuse. In truth, binge eating disorder is a real problem that affects about 3 percent of adults in the United States. Symptoms include eating to ease emotions, overdoing it on food while alone, and feeling guilty after the binge. But while food can seem like a drug for people with eating disorders, experts’ last word is that this is not a true addiction. The cause of eating disorders is not known, but it is probably linked more to depression than addiction. (credit:Shutterstock)
Risky Behaviour Addiction(08 of08)
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Get your rocks off from risk? Thrill seekers share many of the same symptoms as drug addicts; they get a rush from skydiving or rock climbing, but after a while, they seek out even more dangerous adventures to feel that same level of excitement. And studies show that these “thrills” release the same flood of brain chemicals released by addictive drugs. (credit:Shutterstock)

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