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We've all succumbed to a "cold" at some point, and we've all lied about its severity.
Here's what you should do when you deceitfully profess an illness so crippling that you have no choice but to stay in all day.
*Yes, I'm definitely too ill to go to school...*
Top Ten Things To Do When You're 'Too Ill' To Leave Your Room
Kill someone.(01 of10)
Then steal their car. Kill policemen. Die. Swear at the TV. Repeat. Endlessly. (credit:Tetra Images via Getty Images)
Watch the Jeremy Kyle Show.(02 of10)
Because then you can think to yourself: “I may have a nose that runs more than Mo Farah and a throat sorer than the eyes of whoever spends the most time looking at Andrew Lloyd Webber’s face, but at least I haven’t lied about having an affair with my ninth daughter, born of my cocaine-addicted fifth wife, whilst impregnating a sixth wife and swearing unendingly at the (frankly, equally detestable) host of a daytime TV show.” (credit:University of Salford/Flickr)
Complain to anyone and everyone about how much you are suffering.(03 of10)
Though don’t overdo it. Just a few groans and the odd “I’m literally dying”. (credit:Piotr Marcinski via Getty Images)
Stare blankly at Facebook.(04 of10)
“That’s right, no Notifications or Messages or Requests for me, ’cause I’m an unpopular cretin. Wait! I’ve got one! Oh. Of course. Daniel Norman needs help on Candy Crush Saga… Smashing.” (credit:Sean MacEntee/Flickr)
Sleep.(05 of10)
If you can. Which you invariably can’t, as long as you want to. (credit:Thomas Northcut via Getty Images)
Try and sort out your nose.(06 of10)
Just don’t pick it. Not if you don’t want what feels like half your brain to come slithering out of one nostril. And then you'll have to spend five excruciating minutes trying to flick gooey cerebral cortex off the end of your fingernail – it’ll latch onto another finger or two before you make the short-sighted decision to plant it on the bottom of your pillow, only to rediscover the four-month old monstrosity the next hot summer night you feel like sleeping on the cool side. “If only tissues existed,” you’ll then think to yourself sarcastically. (credit:Volodina via Getty Images)
The work you're missing whilst absent.(07 of10)
Pfft. As if. Get a life, man. (credit:AmmentorpDK via Getty Images)
Have a hot beverage.(08 of10)
My favourite beverage is Sir William. Sorry, I understand that puns of historical figures are not everyone's cup of tea... (credit:David Emmite via Getty Images)
Play the mediocre games you have on your phone.(09 of10)
You’ll have a crazily good time with one particular game, before it becomes offensively boring, at which point you’ll want to either vomit or do one of the other items on this list. (credit:TommL via Getty Images)
Err...(10 of10)
[In order to preserve the respectability of this magazine, we’ve left the most teenagerish tenth thing to do to your imagination. This is probably where the tissues you neglected in #6 come in... handy. Sorry.] (credit:robynleigh via Getty Images)
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