I don't like confronting situations. In fact, I avoid them at all costs. But am I refusing to look fear in the face?
Yesterday I knew I was going to run into someone I didn't particularly want to see.
Yet, I mustered up my courage, was an adult about it, and went ahead and steeled myself to do it anyway.
It was over an incident that happened almost 7 years ago now.
It's not that I hold grudges, however I have a very long memory, which means that I never forget the way somebody made me feel. So essentially it had nothing to do with a lack of forgiveness on my part, but rather a lack of forgetting.
I also discovered on my way to where I was heading, that this person absolutely didn't want to see me. In fact, they were livid that I was going to be present.
Now I've written countless times about how super sensitive I am. I rarely even watch the news, because I find it disturbs me. So this was a monumental thing that I was about to do.
Upon learning that this person was particularly annoyed that I was going to be present at the same location as they were, I became incredibly nervous.
In an ordinary situation, I would have turned around and gone back home. Avoiding the possible confrontation. But I didn't.
I was with a girlfriend, and she is very perceptive.
She had noticed that I became quiet. Retreating into my shell. My mind was racing, filled with a myriad of thoughts. To say I was rattled is the understatement of the millennium.
"Don't worry Amy" she said to me sternly.
"I'm ok" I feigned a smile at her.
"I can see your hands trembling" she said to me matter-of-factly.
Shit. She saw that. My nerves were shot to shit.
"You have to learn to be stronger. Don't let anyone get to you"
After around an hour, it was time to indeed quite literally look fear in the face.
I mustered up all of my courage, and went and said hello to fear.
And guess what happened?
Fear embraced me warmly and kissed my cheek.
And this is what can happen with fear. And why it's so important to face it.
We often build things up in our minds. It's all just an illusion.
There's that saying "decide you want it more than you are afraid of it".
It's not that I WANTED to see this person. Not at all. I could have happily lived out the remainder of my life having never seen this person again.
What I did want was to overcome my fear. To release it. And the only way to do that was to have the courage to face it head on.
It's only when you become so fed up with avoiding fear are you able to truly face it.
So today, I ask you to think about what you are avoiding confronting.
What is it that you are afraid of?
The only person who can hold you back is you.
Gather up all of your nerves, even if your hands are trembling, and go and embrace fear.
You just never know what might happen. And after last nights act of courage, I can confirm that fear IS just an illusion.
It only has the power to destroy you if you allow it to. You are in control. Always know that.
You possess the power of allowing fear to overcome you, or kiss you on the cheek.