THE BLOG
02/12/2013 07:23 GMT | Updated 29/01/2014 05:59 GMT

Hope

I rarely write of an evening. My most creative writing comes in the morning as I sit in the sunshine and drink my morning coffee. I also rarely blog on a weekend. I don't think many people read my stuff on a weekend.

But today I've decided to switch things up a bit. I'm sitting in my garden writing as usual, however my coffee is replaced with a glass of red wine, as I recall the lessons from the day.

I'm also drunk. Off one glass of wine. Which should be interesting.

Hope is a funny thing.

It's like a wish.

I am very childlike. I have this vulnerability about me. An innocence. A naïveté.

I even resemble a child with my big brown eyes which are too large for my face, are full of wonder. My tiny stature. I'm not much bigger than a 12 year old. And of course those of you who read my articles would know I cry almost every day too like a child. Too sensitive I am. To everything. Which is probably why I'm intoxicated right now.

This afternoon I returned from lunch with my mother, and saw a Father Christmas floating through the air. I plonked my handbag down on the driveway, and reached up and plucked it from the sky.

I thought what I'd like to wish for, and the only thing I wanted popped into my head.

"I want to be happy" I said in my mind before blowing on the Father Christmas and releasing it off onto the ethers.

That's all I want. I want to be happy.

I don't want any material things - I have all of those. And Lord knows, happiness is not found in "things".

That's a trap a lot of people fall into. The "I'll be happy when" trap.

I"ll be happy when I pay off my house. I'll be happy when I lose 7 kilos. I'll be happy when I have a nice car. I'll be happy when I go on that holiday.

Let me tell you, I have had these things happen (aside from the losing weight bit - if anything I could do with gaining a couple of kilos). And you know what? Nothing changes. Everything is exactly as it was.

Why?

Because happiness is a state of mind. It comes from within. And what happiness means is different to everyone.

And then I thought of my bucket list.

Which comprises of very simplistic things. Probably because in my 34 years, I have lived somewhat of a chaotic life. I would like to simplify things. Although my first two things on my bucket list would suggest otherwise.

So here's my bucket list:

1. I want to be a best-selling author

2. I want to be a famous blogger recognised for my writing ability (I'm getting there slowly with this one)

3. I want to always be beautiful both inside and out (I already am)

4. I want a passionate, romantic relationship

5. I want to be respected

6. I want to be healthy

7. I want a nice car (got it)

8. I want a nice home (got it)

9. I want to have good friends (got that too. They say you can only count your true friends on one hand)

10. I want to be strong, independent, and happy

11. I want to go to Hawaii

12. I want to be in a relationship that is loving and easy with no fighting

13. I want to be financially secure (thankfully, I am)

14. I want to go paddle boarding

15. I want to go to Seattle again

16. I want to feel more confident

17. I don't want to be controlled by anyone

18. I want to be able to meditate properly (I simply CANNOT still my mind)

19. I want to find myself

20. I want to go canoeing in that river in Mullimbimby (it's near Byron Bay)

21. I want to sleep on the beach one night

So today, I ask you to do something.

Write a bucket list. And start working towards crossing things off the list.

Think about what you REALLY want out of life. And love yourself for the person you are.

I'm a mad artist. A free spirit. Full of torment. Full of wonder. I'm a little bit crazy. A little bit difficult. A little too emotional. But I'm beautiful, both inside and out. And I love myself for the unique person I am.

I hope that we can all find what we're searching for. But more importantly, I hope that we can all be true to ourselves and discover the meaning behind the all of the lessons that are placed before us. Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that.

Hope for happiness. Send your wishes out into the universe. What you believe you'll conceive. (And you'll all be receiving a signed copy of my book).