26/01/2016 10:19 GMT | Updated 26/01/2017 05:12 GMT

When you Attend a Friend's Party Without Your Baby

You are invited to a friend's party, you both look at each other and soon realise this could be an incredible opportunity to ask grandparents to see whether they could look after baby for a few hours. A chance for us both to have a few hours to ourselves to spend some quality time together without baby.

The deal has been confirmed - we take baby to grandparents' house prior to attending the party. Baby and belongings swiftly dumped.

We wheel-spin and accelerate at a tremendous speed around the corner, leaving a trail of smoke and burnt rubber.

A night off from parenting duties means a few hours of: Not changing nappies; not saying, 'no' every 47 seconds; not tripping over Peppa Pig toys; not getting the high-chair out from the cupboard every couple of hours; not putting the high-chair back into the cupboard; not tripping over musical books; not singing Row Row Row The Boat; not making a cup of tea to subsequently forget you made it; not wiping snot from baby's face; not seeing them smile at you attempting to pull silly faces; not complaining of a bad back; not talking in a baby language; not playing Peekaboo with a Hello magazine; not picking them up when they are about to pick up and damage a photo frame of your wedding day; not feeding baby a banana; not sterilising bottles; not hearing baby giggle hysterically when daddy makes silly noises; not trying and failing to eat some lunch whilst baby is also eating lunch; not picking baby up to show them their reflection in the mirror; not saying, 'wave'; not tidying up their devastation; and, not saying, 'clap'.

We attend the party. A rare opportunity to rekindle; an opening in life to temporarily forget about being parents. After all, we were dressed as Smurfs. Yes, Smurfs. This is a time to chinwag about adult-things. A moment in time to drink two bottles of beer within 17 minutes, and then maybe go a little mental by moving on to a glass of wine. What the hell, we are dressed as smurfs, lets act like smurfs.

We turn up at the door eagerly anticipating those aforementioned alcoholic beverages and a good time with friends.

First thing wife does after greeting everybody? Picks up someone else 's


The end.