With stormy weather and cold temperatures, the doors guarding your mood swing open with the invitation for winter depression. As always, there is a lot to choose from when it comes to fighting melancholia; psychotherapy, meditation, herbal remedies, clubbing and blaming your mother. If you have missed the Fashion Week this season, be ready to receive the good news that Depression Month is trending and with it comes the great opportunity impress your friends and your own well-being with an absolutely fabulous winter blues cure.
Do you remember the trips to Eastern Europe to fix your teeth or botox your cheeks cheaply? Well, maybe this time the land of vodka and honey has something else to offer and you might end up choosing this destination for a completely different reason.
As you may know, Catholicism used to be extremely popular in Poland but recently the number of its enthusiasts are diminishing. Due to the economic boom there are lots of activities on offer as an alternative to church going. Good internet connections have widened the horizons of the nation. The church is responding to this lack of popularity with an aggressive marketing campaign, though not necessary a very modern one. Amongst its recently promoted services is Exorcism.
Poland's youngest exorcist priest Michał Olszewski offers to clean your bad spirits in a private session that lasts only few hours. His long catalogue of success stories includes Polish celebrities amongst the other plagued population on the path of sanity and well-being.
If you are not sure whether this treatment fits your condition, you ought to know that there is a thin line line between mental disorder and demonic possession. Nevertheless lots of satisfied subjects had been diagnosed with depression by medics before they went through the exorcisms session and got rid of the problem.
Everything makes absolute sense when you find out that already in 5th century St. Augustine of Hippo discovered that depression was a punishment from God, bestowed upon people who had sinned! Whether or not you have done a lot of sinning recently, according to priest Olszewski some people have the devil inside them all their life without knowing about it, so it a sensible move to get exorcised just in case.
Right after the treatment you will have known how much of the evil spirit you had inside you, if any. Priest Olszewski provides his patients with a piece of paper listing the names of all the devils that he managed to expel from their body, ie: Zewil, Beliar, Aszan, Libal, Beelzebub and Lucifer. Sometimes you might even get to know where exactly they were hiding - most commonly the bad spirits inhabit the neck.
While getting exorcised might seem like a novel idea, there is a series of benefits to the deal. Therefore, if by any chance, you were deliberating over whether to get new teeth or new soul, I would suggest the latter.
Unlike dental treatment there is no language barrier hence no threat that something could go wrong. During the session the priest will not talk to you but to devil who will naturally will use your voice. Of course Satan usually speaks Latin or at least a language the person they inhabit doesn't know.
At the ceremony there two body guards are present. They are there to help in case you are being thrown around by unknown forces (the longest registered throw was 3 meters) or they can catch you if you stop levitating. One of the exo-bouncers even writes hip-hop songs about the whole experience.
One other advantage is that the service is provided by non-profit institution - the Catholic Church, therefore the whole remedy is free. You are extremely welcome to make a donation but I would suggest to offer some money only if you are satisfied with the service. I'm trying to convince a friend to start a 'devil-be-gone' B&B and it would be much nicer if the money ended up there.
You might ask "Why would I do this mad activity if none of the fashionista kids of Warsaw engage in it?". If you go to any Polish village especially located near the eastern border, you will find people wearing exactly same clothes as in trendy east London. When it comes to fashion Poland might be few months behind but at the same time 10 years ahead.
If you decide to merge your little depression surgery with trend-hunting-expedition to rural Poland you might also pop in to Białowieża primeval forest to see the Bisons - world's heaviest land mammal according to Norwegian airline inflight magazine.
Finally an exorcism package makes a great Christmas present especially if you are on a budget or if you suspect someone around you has been succumbed to satanic possession.