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White House: "Hand Movements Handed Trump Election"


The controversy over illegal voting in the US election took a bizarre new twist today, when press spokesman Sean Spicer claimed Trump's non-verbal communication had "probably been responsible for well over a million votes."

Spicer began today's press briefing by responding to unfounded rumours that President Trump had been seen whiling away his hours in the Oval Office practising his famous hand movements. Spicer slammed the sightings as "unproven inaccuracies and factually fake."

His denials come as an unnamed source from within the White House claimed to have witnessed the President "standing in The Oval Office repeatedly flailing his arms around while gazing at his hands as if they had a life of their own."

Spicer responded by saying it was "plainly ridiculous to think that Trump's hands have any sense of autonomy as they are attached to the President's body."

The President, he stated, "has as much control over his body movements as he does over his governance of the country."

Asked for evidence that Trump's hands had had a hand in winning the election, the White House spokesman insisted that he was privy to "very persuasive information" which he totally believed.

Trump's waving arms, he said, had undeniably secured crucial electoral support from Italian-Americans, where such wild gesticulations were seen as "entirely normal and not weird at all."

They had, according to Spicer, "universal appeal" and showed that "like all Italians, the President is a man of passion, even when he's talking about stuff he doesn't believe in."

The spokesman then dismissed reports that Trump's celebrated hand movements might just be impulsive, involuntary spasms, claiming they were "completely natural and unrehearsed," and often "better and more effective than his words."

Spicer added that Trump's signature forefinger-to-thumb gesture was "total proof of the President's commitment to truth, and may well have swung the election for the Republicans."

However, he was quick to deny that any of the "hand-favourable votes" had been made illegally. The illegal votes, he said, "had all been cast for Hillary Clinton."

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