12/03/2014 10:02 GMT | Updated 12/05/2014 06:59 BST

It's a Love Story, but It's the Story That Counts

Love won't take away all your problems. No soul mate to which everything they do, think or say is a perfect match to you. It ebbs and flows; it's never a permanent state of being. Love is never balanced between two people; one may have the capacity to love to the depth of a whole pint and the other a half pint. Love is scary and yet addictively seductive! Even the pursuit of love is a bittersweet symphony of highs and lows.

Yet here's the good news, it is meant to be like that. The clue is in the word 'relationship'. You get to know yourself in 'relationship' to another person. You can never fully know yourself by sitting alone in your bedroom; you can only know yourself in reaction to another person. The most emotionally rewarding relationship is to be with someone who compliments and brings out how wonderful you are, so you can love yourself first and foremost. Real love is where both people enter into an agreement to support the other person's growth. It is about calling people on their sh*t and to reminding them who they are when they think they have lost themselves. It is our opposing strengths and complementary differences that make a solid alliance. That is, if we can listen to each other without hanging on to a solid belief that we are correct in our thinking!

The partnership of this kind takes time to build. However the reflection of who you are happens right in the beginning, at the moment of a first attraction. Often we want to drive through this part of the relationship building process as it makes us feel insecure. We want the kiss so we know that they find us attractive. We want words of love to become a contract of a future, even before we know if we love them! The relationships that survive the longest are those that were built in story. When it comes to love the more beautiful, playful or even flirty the start of the story is the more chance of a happy ending.

When trying to find the courage to let someone you fancy know you like them, stop trying to get it started. It started the moment you decided you wanted them. If it ends up that you are together, fantastic. However, happy ever after is impossible without happy right now. Let the story tell itself, rather than you manipulating the pen out of insecurity. See your crush as a journey rather than a destination, bring love and fun to it with no expectation of return.