04/02/2016 10:43 GMT | Updated 04/02/2017 05:12 GMT

Mum's Law

"If it can go wrong, it will"

So says Murphy's Law, which got me thinking that there is definitely a version of this for Mums.

For example:

Mum's Law #1

If you go to bed early the kids will sleep in late. Stay up late and they will wake up early (and probably during the night too)

Exhibit A: On Friday night I went to bed at 9pm so naturally my early risers were still asleep at 8am the next day (unheard of). On Saturday I went to a party, drank prosecco, gin and vodka and rolled in at 2am then attacked the leftover lamb hot pot like a dog at a bowl. The 3yr old awoke at 5:45am shouting "Mummy I need you".

Mum's Law #2

The children are more likely to behave like wild animals when you most need them to behave themselves

Exhibit (s) B: Experimenting with the word "shit" when being looked after by the inlaws. Screaming "my bum is itching" when Mum is on a conference call. Refusing to go to bed and shouting "I want to go home, it smells bad here" when you stay overnight with friends.

Mum's Law #3

The more effort you put into something for the kids the more likely they are to lose it or hate it.

Exhibit C: I spent hours on my 6yr old's angel costume for the school nativity play - hand stitching tinsel to the tabard and shopping for white tights and a special headband. An hour before the nativity he asked me where the costume was. To cut a long story short (or read here) he had lost it.

*He also told me that I must hate him because boys don't wear tights and everyone laughed at his costume meaning that he also hated it so now that I think about it maybe he hadn't "lost" it after all....

Exhibit D: The all time favourite food of my 3 year old is lasagne. It has been for months. "I want sanya" is all she says at meal times. I presented her with "sanya" on Monday after making a MASSIVE one to last several meal times. "That's 'gustin" she said "I not like sanya today."

Mum's Law # 4

You will only get ill when your entire support network is unavailable to help

Exhibit E: The wretched vomit bug I had when the husband was in Australia and my Mum was away staying with my sister, or the chest infection that I currently have and the husband is in Argentina.

Mum's Law #5

When it comes to present buying the more organised you are the more likely they are to change their mind.

Exhibit F: New Christmas list presented by 6yr old a week before Christmas contained NOTHING from the original list*. Nothing except the puppy that Santa was never going to bring because as I said to my 6 yr old "Elves can't make animals"

*This is not all bad as some of the items from the original list were impossible to source - see here

This is just five, there must be at least 200 more! What are yours?