02/02/2015 05:39 GMT | Updated 28/03/2015 05:59 GMT

"This Is Your Captain Speaking"


"Good afternoon, this is your captain speaking. We hope you are enjoying your flight today. Just to let you know that we will be diverting this plane to Sydney as one of the air hostesses has taken ill and needs to get to a hospital.

The flight into Sydney will be very turbulent, resulting in a motion sick husband and baby, who will throw up all over you 3 times during descent whilst you're stuck in your chair and the flight attendants are bound to theirs so no one can assist you. You will need to try and wash yourself in the tiny bathroom and have a full change of clothes. By the time you actually arrive in Mackay hours later than the scheduled arrival time, you will be so tired and your belongings will be all over the plane so you will leave behind your SLR camera and sunglasses.

You will have also have missed the last ferry out to Long Island in the Whitsundays where you were headed, so you will have to stay in a dodgy hotel that's like a time warp back to 1985, (including the other guests!) and the kids are so overtired they will lose it and where the fire alarm will go off at 2am for no good reason waking everyone up only hours after you have eventually gotten off to sleep. When you finally arrive the following morning at your destination, you are in paradise and you will think to yourself well that was worth all the hassle wasn't it?

After a few days listening to the tiresome rattle of the exhaust of the air conditioner outside of your room and realising your neighbouring holiday makers are also sick of the noise (someone has put a large rock on top of it!) you call maintenance to check it out. It turns out the whole unit is rusted right through and you are required to move rooms! You are in the middle of breast feeding your baby when the maintenance guy walks in and tells you this and you have no idea how to reach your husband who has gone off with your toddler son to play.

Fifteen minutes later, your husband, the maintenance guy and the porter (young dude in shorts and t-shirt) turn up with a trailer and you throw all of your belongings, which have been strewn around the room (including your dirty underwear!) and you are moved into another room. You think, wow this room is actually nicer so that was a blessing in disguise, even though the bed is giving you a sore back. After a bit of anxiety about the return trip, your fears are proven unfounded and you arrive home thankful to be in your own bed after a smooth day of travelling. The following day you start the masses of washing you have accumulated from you holiday. You take the backpack full of dirty washing and simply tip the entire contents into the machine.

After a while you start hearing a thumping noise that does not sound right, so you go to investigate. Reaching your hand in you find in the deep water, your GHD hair straightener you paid a fortune for only months earlier. With a few 'oh my god's' and a big sigh you find the strength to simply laugh at the ongoing saga this holiday has caused and think well that must be the end of it, surely. No. You awake the next day to find you still have complaints from your lower back. Your back goes into spasm and you are faced with almost 2 weeks of recovery time from radiating, nauseating, back pain. This is the result of the poor bed at the resort. We sincerely hope you enjoy your trip however and we look forward to seeing you again next time you fly, over and out".


This story was originally published on (link) by Kathryn Woods.

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