19/01/2012 07:03 GMT | Updated 19/03/2012 05:12 GMT

Stop! Wait a minute Mr...Milkman

It has come to my attention that Tess Daly is the latest celebrity to join the ridiculous milk campaign. As I waited for the red to turn green by the kerb I was brought face to face with the ad, my first thoughts were that Nuts had done a bloody good job to get ad placement on the side of the 333 bus that passes a number of public houses, betting shops and snooker clubs en route. The team over at IPC Media MUST have done their research.

But alas, as I rubbed my eyes and came to it became apparent that this was well, what I guess we could term loosely as a 'serious' ad campaign. Now you can't tell me that the guy (and I have not a doubt in my mind that it is) who created this idea did not realise the obvious connotations present. It is fairly laughable that celebrities are actually willing not only to associate themselves with the campaign but to allow a thick WHITE line of yes; yes it is obviously MILK to be placed across their top lip. Now I don't know how much Tess Daly's fees are these days for PR or appearances but I hope the price was right (I bet Forsythe LOVES this ad).

What I am failing to understand here is when drinking milk became such a cause for concern? Has there been an epidemic of small children dying suddenly of calcium deficiency that I have failed to read up on? I am fairly sure that there are more pressing issues within our society that need funding other than the drinking of milk. Never fear, I have an idea of how we can turn this around. You remember when the millennium dome was first erected? It was largely reported as an eyesore and did not quite meet the architectural magnificence we all hoped for. Blair was berated for his poor spending of the national budget (AGAIN) and after we all went to see it we to came to the realisation it was just a convex shaped museum of pointless crap. HOWEVER after someone came up with the clever idea of auctioning it as a entertainment venue and those that brought us the tagline 'We're better, connected' claimed it, things were looking up.

Though a slightly odd comparison, bear with me, I think we can turn this sticky (sorry) situation into one that could prove rather fruitful to the nation. So as it stands we have an absurd amount of collateral that includes Tess Daly and (I REALLY should have mentioned this earlier) The Wanted to work with.

Now I'm no art guru but I hear on the grapevine that the Tate Modern commissions some fairly weird pieces that fetch a fair old whack . I for one would go to see a short film that showed all the boys from The Wanted dipping their faces in a large bowl of milk to create said moustache. I mean the possibilities are endless, Tracey Emin could come and host, giving her interpretation of what milk means to the nation and perhaps give the lads a few tips on how it is best removed. We could even have a live cow being milked as to educate the little kiddly winks on the source of their much needed calcium, I've gone too far I think.

The point being that not only does this campaign raise a huge question about the celebrities fronting it but who exactly it is they think the audience are. If it is genuinely about young children drinking more milk I think Peppa Pig would have looked great with facial hair and logistically as a pig she probably has way more access to cattle than Tess and The Wanted right? Just a thought.