22/03/2017 11:14 GMT | Updated 23/03/2018 05:12 GMT

Badges Of Honour

First smiles, the first time they sleep through the night, first steps, first day at school. All big milestones for our little ones. But what about the parents? What about the milestones we reach? What about the crap that no one warns you about? The first Poonami. That one's traumatic. There are things as parents we experience that quite frankly deserve badges of honour.

Some of them might not be moments we want to photograph and share smugly on Facebook. Some should be worn with pride. Personally I don't think you are truly a bonafide parent until you've had to tell your kid to "stop licking the window".


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The first time you leave the house without your new accessory is a pretty big deal. A huge parenting milestone. Wear this badge if only to explain your nervous disposition and the fact that you have forgotten the art of conversation.


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We've all been there. Some of us so often that we have a designated scoop and a honed technique. It doesn't even gross us out anymore.


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You know you are a parent when you go to extreme lengths to avoid tantrums. Welcome to the club people.


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Of course not all tantrums can be avoided, and some warrant a badge of honour for surviving, hell they warrant a medal. You know the ones where 5 minutes later your little angel is running around like nothing happened, but you spent the rest of the day in a state of bewilderment and wondering where the hell you find an exorcist.


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It's a vital parenting skill to have. Can also be applied to Rice Crispies, Lego, Play-doh and all other orifices.


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The follow on from this badge of honour is the first time your kid throws up in the sick bowl. That my friends is a day to be celebrated.


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This has happened to everyone, right? RIGHT?


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There are two types of parents in the world. Those that do crafts, and those that don't. I fall firmly into the latter category. In my pre-parenting days I dreamt of painting home made cards and gifts with my little people. Then reality hit and I learnt that; a) It's really bloody messy, b) The kids use the red paint brush in the blue paint which stresses me out, and c) nothing ever looks like it does on Pinterest. Ever.


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It's never embarrassing being a parent. Your kids will never ever show you up in public or make you do anything ridiculous. OK I'm lying, but I'm told you can get your own back when they are teenagers.


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Wear this one with pride. You've earned it.

What badges of honour would you wear?

If you liked this you might also like my badges in response to parenting advice...


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This post was first published on Life, Love and Dirty Dishes