I don't readily applaud anything Kanye West does, in fact I think the guy is first class knob, but in the case of his push present for Kim after the birth of Saint, I whole heatedly approve. The pictures of the million dollar diamond choker around Kim's neck complete with cleavage and seductive pout may have been a bit much before lunch, and certainly not something you want to show your Grandma. But then again if I had a million dollar diamond choker maybe I wouldn't want my clothes to detract from it either. However, the sentiment behind the gift, I am on board with.
After the birth of my children I was euphoric. Of course I was thrilled to finally meet the tiny human that had been kicking the crap out of my insides. But there was definitely an element of 'I am Woman, hear me roar'. I wanted to be celebrated for what I had just done. I was so high on endorphin's I half expected a ticker tape parade in my honour and Gary Barlow serenading me on the piano just before Ryan Gosling made a personal appearance with a bouquet of flowers.
Yes I know women have been giving birth since the dawn of time, hell some even do it in the woods without a whiff of gas and air. But not this woman. I've done it twice. And quite frankly if having lots of strangers staring at your lady garden, and having stitches in your foo doesn't warrant some kind of appreciation gift, I don't know what does.
I've heard women argue that they didn't want a push present because it was a joint effort between them and their partner. Really? Honestly that kind of schmaltzy statement makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
I mean sure, they were there at the party when they deposited their initial 'gift'. And maybe they looked after you really well during your pregnancy and helped you shave your legs and put on your shoes. But joint effort? I don't seem to recall my husband with his head down the toilet every day for 6 months. I don't recall him getting up in the night to pee every hour. He never cried when his clothes no longer fitted him, or he had to replace alcohol with Gaviscon. Maybe, just maybe, the pain of labour is the same as taking a kick to the testicles. But I can't seem to recall him ever being kicked in the testicles for 12 hours straight. He's certainly never squeezed a watermelon out of his arse. There is no joint effort here.
And what about after the birth? The post birth poo is almost as scary as the birth itself. We are sore, it hurts to sit down, and we may actually cry should we decide to check our stitches in the mirror*. We are leaking from every orifice, We've squirted milk into the babies eye form our exploding boobs. Our bodies have turned to a jelly like substance and puppies make us weep. There's a high chance we are not going to have a hot cup of tea for the next 6 months, and will probably average about 2 hours sleep a night for the foreseeable future. We worry that we are never going to want or be able to have sex again, and the first time we do is kinda terrifying. Our bodies have changed for ever.
Don't tell me that the baby is the gift. A miracle? Yes. A gorgeous little bundle that has filled my heart, turned my world on it's head, and changed me forever? Absolutely. I dreamt about meeting that tiny bundle before they were even conceived. I spend hours every day staring at them in awe. But as far as gifts go, I appreciate my gifts to be slightly less high maintenance and demanding of me.
So yes, I think a small gift from the father of my child to say thank-you for making me a Daddy, and you are an amazing woman, should be a prerequisite. I mean surely it's just good manners! It doesn't have to be diamonds, or Gary Barlow, but a gesture, a token. Something I will always have to remind me how strong I can be. In years to come to take me back me to when we started this journey together. To give me perspective when the days are hard and the nights are long.
Can we just change the name though? I mean push presents? It sounds gross and whether those babies were pushed out, or pulled out, we all deserve some appreciation.
*Never ever check your stitches in the mirror. Some things cannot be unseen.
Thank-you to my husband who gave me push presents after the birth of both our boys, despite the fact that until I read him this post he had no idea what a push present was!