I Need a Cleaner to Clean the Cleaner

19/05/2014 12:33 BST | Updated 16/07/2014 10:59 BST

Twenty months ago I became the proud owner of an 8 week old Bloodhound puppy. For the dog lovers amongst you, there is no need to explain how house training works, but for at least two to three months you're going to be busy. So after an inspirational moment, that's the answer, buy a carpet washer.

The first three weeks went well using the spot cleaner enabled me to pounce on any puddle in an attempt to keep the house from stinking of pee. Week 4. NO. It won't work, I'm going to die of ammonia poisoning. Anyway onto the customer service line expecting the 5 minute argument with five or six different customer service representatives. Staggered, was I. Yes staggered! No arguments just a very pleasant lady who rapidly arranged collection for it to be repaired. Okay, it cost me £20 in bubble wrap and cardboard boxes to return it but nevertheless given the young ladies pleasant demeanour, it was a price worth paying.

No more than a week later my repaired carpet washer was returned to me with some new parts. Ahhh, there we go all working clean carpets yet again and the ammonia smell receding with each use. Right, now being diligent I will clean the carpet washer so that it be ready for the next time I use it. Okay it would take around half an hour to do this but when you've spent around £350 on this machine it would be best to look after it, and so it takes longer to clean it than it does the carpets, who cares.

Well it worked after a fashion for the next couple of months only having to call the service line a couple of times but on each occasion their service was as good as its word, excellent.

Now for a three month break as the puppy was now house trained and time to move back to Wales.

You guessed it, first time using it in Wales, broken. But HOW, I cleaned it prior to its last use, and it had been working just fine.

The wonderful customer services which just about EVERY business could learn from. Brilliant, just brilliant! Another £20 in bubble wrap and cardboard, another week and back it came to me. I'd almost missed it being sat in the middle of the kitchen pitifully awaiting collection.

It works, hooray. Brilliant, used it once a month for the next 8-10 months with barely a glitch, all my problems are solved.

Oh Mother nature, NOT again. Yes, 18 months and now three failures. I was going to give those wonderful customer service agents a piece of my mind. No. I want to be angry with you Miss, please just hang the phone up on me or swear at me. Just let me be angry. Oh, you are all SO nice, so brilliant I can't bear it! Oh, you mean I CAN talk to a supervisor??! NO THAT NEVER HAPPENS. I feel like I've been sucked into a parallel universe where everyone gives you exactly what you want. I should go to the bank!

I explained to the supervisor my troubles over the last eighteen months. How I spent hour after hour cleaning this machine, which was the top of their range. How I really only had two carpets that regularly needed cleaning. How I... No I couldn't say that customer services had let me down they've been brilliant. I wonder if it's possible to hypnotise someone down the phone.

They ARE brilliant. Anyway he couldn't give me my money back as I had bought it from a retail outlet, but what he'd do is replace it with a different model.

No, I don't know how long this new machine is going to last, I almost want it to fail so I can phone customer services. The lesson to be learned from this tale is, if you want to spend most of your time cleaning a cleaner, or wrapping it to go for repair, then go and buy a carpet washer. Alternatively, you may want to consider just buying a new carpet!