With the Eurozone collapsing, our economy in freefall, and the Department of Apocalypse moaning that four horseman is simply not enough to cope with our accelerated progress towards armageddon, you may have missed the latest fun news about immigration.
I'd really like to talk about immigration, if only I could get those idiots who contribute nothing to the debate to keep quiet. Yes, Labour Party, I'm talking about YOU. This week MigrationWatch announced that their figures from 10 years ago predicting a massive increase in immigration have been proved correct, and the increase will continue.
This follows the Theresa May border controls scandal, which Labour responded to by accusing the Tories of being soft on immigration. Nice one, Eds. You worrying how this will 'play' before the next election? Get real, guys, it's going to take more than foreigner-bashing to bring Labour back to power.
Labour's standard policy on immigration used to be: 1) Insert fingers in ears and 2) yell "shut up shut up not listening".
Last election it was, "If you're worried about losing your place in the housing queue to someone from abroad then you must be a racist". So this might be classed as progress.
I don't have a problem with MigrationWatch, even though their name suggests ornithology with a hint of menace. (Bloody swallows, they come over here, eat our English worms - ooh, hang on a minute, they've sodded off back to where they came from. No, here they are, back again)
They are run by Sir Andrew Green, a well-respected former diplomat who spent most of his working life in the Arab world, and has been involved with Medical Aid for Palestinians. So lefties calling him racist and lumping him in with UKIP and other Islamophobes is cheap and offensive.
Unlike the 'race relations industry', which means a couple of researchers who write for the Guardian - although these days in British terms I suppose that counts as an industry - I have no intention of challenging MigrationWatch's figures. After all I'm not a real journalist, just another mouthy bloke with a blog. I shall instead embrace their statistics and ask, what if they are right? And that we are, indeed, looking forward to a UK population of 70 million by 2030?
It's not the accuracy of their figures that concerns me, it's the language of fear they use around them. What are they most frightened of? Is it that we may be allowing in potential criminals and terrorists, as if having a few extra border guards will stop the most determined wrong 'uns from getting in? (MigrationWatch are not calling for an end to immigration, merely for a cap.)
Or are they concerned these fit healthy foreign young Britjob swipers will place more of a burden on our NHS? Surely we should be more worried about the huge increase in the elderly and the obese drawn largely from our indigenous population.
I shall not produce sheets of figures to back up my claims, or cheerlead for the usual multicultural pluses of chicken tikka massala and Meera Syal, much as I love both. Instead, like an American academic with a book deal and a looming deadline, I'll offer spurious anecdotal evidence to make a case for being relaxed about immigration.
Recently I had some work done at my flat by Polish builders, and they were brilliant. It probably helped that they didn't speak English, while my ability to speak Polish is limited to the knowledge that their alphabet contains five less letters than ours, notably a, e, i, o and u. So I couldn't listen in to any of their conversations, if indeed they had any, about my surname. Last century what little communication our peoples had took place between Polish bricks and Jewish shop windows.
Here instead was a lovely metaphor for the present day, where a group of young people whose great grandparents had driven my great grandparents out of their country by smashing up their property, now left their own country with the express purpose of fixing my rotting window sills and re-plastering my hallway. And by the way, they weren't taking British jobs - we hired them because our usual builder was 'too busy', which is the phrase he uses when he feels the gig is too small to whack a profit from.
As far as I can see, the biggest argument against immigration is that increased immigration leads to more racist violence against immigrants. Which is more of an argument against racism and violence. So come on Labour, get real about your election chances, give Theresa a pat on the back and if you've got nothing interesting to say about immigration, then sod off back to Labourland, wherever that is.