14/04/2014 10:25 BST | Updated 13/06/2014 06:59 BST

Britain's Got Talent 2014 Audition Show One

Fresh from the talent show that gives us singing stars, I'm back. And so is the record breaking Britain's Got Talent for its eighth series.

So let's welcome back, the best judging team on UK TV, aka Alesha Dixon, David Walliams, Amanda Holden and Sir Simon Cowell. Make way for the auditions 2014.

Lets remind ourselves of the rules. 

During the BGT auditions, Team Midas will pick three acts, the acts we believe will get to the Final. Two of them can be at any time throughout the show but one, the new Golden Buzzer (or Midas buzzer) has to be declared on the night of the audition airing.

After picking the winners in 2012 and 2013, the pressure is really on.

So, which act is up first and hoping to take Attraction's crown? 

Meet Berkley Owls AKA Andrew Charlton and Rocky the owl from Lincolnshire. This was a real hoot, but for all the wrong reasons. That reminds me, what's an owl's favourite subject at school?....Owl-gebra. ..... Owl-gebra. Get it? Sorry. Next.

Can Sean Wozencroft improve proceedings with his attempt to beat the world record for eating a raw onion. Well no and watching this really brought tears to my eyes. 


Dancer Luke Joseph was pants with a capital P. Please, where is the talent? 

CountryVive really took me by surprise. At the start I was thinking what the hell is this? That very quickly turned into this is amazing. What a surprise, line dancing for the 21st century. Four yee-ha's, well five. 

Can boy-band Collabro aka Matthew, Jamie, Tom, Michael and Richard keep the yeses coming?  Oh blimey, yes they can. Absolutely amazing. Mrs M loves them, now that's a huge pat on the back lads. Get your bags packed for the live shows. I love them as well. 


Following that will take some doing, I really hope Peter Panduranga is good? Oh and it's a love song for his wife. Lovely man, but it's awful, please make it stop. My buzzer was well and truly pressed. 

The next few acts, The Jerome Experience, Mzz Kimberley and Georgio were entertaining but, well rubbish. 

We really need Light Balance from the Ukraine to be good. Well they were not just good they were fantastic. One of the best acts I have seen during my eight years reviewing this show.

Samantha Conors and Nadine Lyons need to work on their nerves. Please keep at it though girls. 

The one thing I can't stand is bullies, so hearing Lucy Kay's story really got my attention. The minute Lucy started singing it was goosebumps. Literally one of the best soprano singers I have EVER heard. Lucy welcome to Team Midas. 10/10. World class. 

Street dancers Lauren and Terrell showed us that the UK's youngsters really do have talent, with an amazing, unique dance routine. Brilliant.

Last up were 79 year old Paddy and dance teacher Nico. It all started, well a bit boring...them dush, the action started. Showing that age is NO barrier, Paddy was awesome. It was so good that Amanda pressed her Golden Buzzer, meaning they are automatically through to the live shows.

What an amazing first show. Bring on next week

Right, I'm off to teach my cat to dance, see you next week