Its easy to be overwhelmed by the energy of sexual attraction. Attractive energy bubbles up and escalates. Everything quickens. The pulse quickens; the breath can shorten - we tend not even to notice that this happens. With so much speeding up, we can fumble - we open our mouth to speak but don't know what to say; or we say something the wrong way - and we feel like we've made a fool of ourselves. We shut down, pull back and the moment is gone.
On the other hand, its possible to work with the energy of attraction so that rather than being knocked over by it, you can ride its wave and flirt with ease.
The key to is to de-escalate the excitement of the moment. One of the principles of tantra is slowing down the flow of attractive energy to give you time to enjoy the play of attraction. One way to do this is to focus on the details of the interaction.
Here are three tips on how to engage in an attractive encounter using the tantric principle of slowing down.
Firstly, when the other person is speaking, listen with your full attention. Listen to each word and the tone of their voice. Listen to the pauses and silences. Listen to the details. It can be very tempting to want to impress in the moment of attraction, and to speak too much or to interrupt. But listening with full attention will make you very attractive to the other person. Also, something interesting happens to time when we listen with full attention. Time slows down. That's more time for you to enjoy the encounter rather than being flustered by it speed.
Secondly, be aware of your own eyes: how do they move and how do they come to rest? How do you look at the other person? With what intention? Are your eyes at ease or is your gaze too intense for a first encounter? On the other hand, is your glance distracted? You'll be saying a lot about yourself in the way you use your eyes. What do you want to communicate?
Finally, don't be careless with touch. Even if its just a handshake, when two people touch each other when they are experiencing attraction, the energetic communication is high voltage. If you do exchange touch in an attractive encounter - whether its a handshake or a kiss - do it consciously and lightly. Its easier said than done. For the most part, we're relatively unconscious about touch, not giving it the consideration it deserves. But conscious touch is a particularly attractive thing, and light touch - especially during the dance of initial attraction - is both appropriate and enticing.