12/04/2017 07:03 BST | Updated 12/04/2017 07:03 BST

Rude Awakenings In The Afternoon

Sleep, slumber, siesta, snooze....that bodily function when you close your eyes and drift off into another world. A world of calm. A world of peace. A world away from all your troubles.

Then's over.

The phone rings.

I'm normally having a relaxing afternoon snooze when it happens. Dreaming of sun, sea and who knows what. Then I hear it. Far off in the distance at first as though it's part of my dream, then suddenly it dawns on me, it's the phone. At that point, I don't have a clue what day it is, never mind what time it is. Middle of the night, maybe? Worrying phone call maybe? My feet get tangled in the quilt and my attempt to get out of bed quickly, often sees me fall face first on to the floor.

If it was a call to say my premium bond numbers had come up it would be fantastic, but it never is. If it was a call with a dinner invitation, that would be nice, but it never is. If it was a friend calling for a catch up, that wouldn't be so bad, but, no, it's never that either. It's normally one of those calls to make you aware of a government scheme for replacing boilers or windows or to install solar panels or to claim back your PPI.

For me, those calls simply translate as, "We're just calling to wake you up from your afternoon snooze."

My afternoon snooze. That snooze is precious to me. I need it. I can't do without it.

Do they know that I'm sleeping?

Is someone watching me?

Is it actually an incognito government scheme to stop afternoon snoozes? (With the Tories in power, anything is possible)

The most irritating thing is that, most of the time, there's not even a person at the other end of the phone to be aggrieved with, just an automated voice. An annoying automated voice.

On the very odd occasion, an actual person makes the call. Sometimes their phone manner and attitude leaves a lot to be desired. Others are a bit more professional and, occasionally, their pitch is so good, I'm sure they could sell me a pair of leaky wellies. But their double, I'm not interested. I don't own my house, so I can't make use of the government scheme they're trying to sell me. Some take defeat gracefully, others have sworn at me. But at least it's a human voice. I could have a rant at them if I wanted to.

I'm registered with TPS. (Telephone Preference Service). Being registered with them, I don't get sales or marketing calls. But there doesn't seem to be a way of stopping those government scheme or PPI calls.

It seems that the only way to stop those calls would be to register with my line provider to block unknown or withheld numbers. But that's not really an answer. Sometimes unknown or withheld numbers are completely legitimate and might even be worth being woken up for.

I don't know a solution. I just know that I won't be reglazing my house, replacing the boiler or installing solar panels any time soon. And I don't have PPI. And for what it's worth, I've also not been involved in an accident recently....apart from when I fell out of bed after being rudely awakened by a phone call.