17/01/2014 13:02 GMT | Updated 19/03/2014 05:59 GMT

What Does Your Twitter Background Say About You?

Today I panicked. I'm not sure why, but I decided to change my Twitter background. Perhaps I'm still drunk from Christmas or feeling frivolous at the advent of 2014. I didn't have myself down as one of those folk who bought into the 'new year, new you' brand of thinking... I guess we all have the power to surprise even ourselves... Sometimes.

As my cursor hovered feverishly over the 'edit profile' tab I didn't consider the possible ramifications of my out-with-the-old-in-with-the-new haste.

Because, let's face it, your Twitter background isn't something you pluck out of the washing basket and throw on in place of your week-old pyjamas so you don't look a total sewer rat as you count the exact change to pay for a pint of red top milk and packet of wholemeal pitta at Tesco Metro (I've never done that). A Twitter background is far more important.

It's basically a gateway to your soul. No, I'm not being extreme here. While I doubt many actually log on to Twitter on one of those old fashion computer diddleys, you must be prepared if they do.

So it's totally justified that I thought long and hard about what my new social wallpaper could potentially say about me as a human being.


Here's my ill-informed, not at all based on any science or academic reading, thought process on Twitter backdrops:


You're trying to tell the world you don't care, but unless you're one of those egg profiles with zero followers you definitely do! Either that or you're seriously lacking in imagination and need to get in touch with your six-year-old self who would see a blank canvas and instantly draw a house, tree and smiling sun on it. Also, Amy Childs is in team default. Enough said.

A themed wallpaper

Oh dear, you're one of those people who endlessly trawls the internet for the unicorn emblazoned wallpaper that perfectly sums you up. I, personally love a good unicorn background, but when it comes with a 'Powered by Little Miss Tweety Pie' watermark it's just totally lameo, right?

Block colour

Opens up that old quandary: 'what's your favourite colour?' Mine's blue - although I can't be sure, and the certitude of that decision makes me nervous - but if I opt for blue I might as well have gone for default! It's such a dilemma I really think Nelly and Kelly ought to sing about it.

A selfie

What are you, a celebrity? No, no you are not. Only the likes of Miley Cyrus, Una Foden and MC Hammer are allowed to use a massive picture of themselves as their Twitter background. Interestingly enough, MC Hammer IS on Twitter but isn't exploiting his selfie-backdrop privilege - he's in the default crew.

A photograph you took

What are you, a photographer? No, no you are not. No one wants to see your shoddy iPhone camera work of Tower Bridge.

After that exhausting back-and-forth in my mind. I decided to play it safe and not change my background at all because, whatever the decision I'm doomed by judgement. If you find yourself at the mercy of the edit profile' button take heed from my ramblings and don't do it. And maybe delete your Twitter account?