You may be a new Mum. Or one who's pregnant. Under the illusion that life will remain the same post birth. Your clothes will be the same, hair clean, cut and highlighted. Shoes? That you will still rock a heel and your thong will be placed firmly between your arsecheeks. Apologies. Think again. You do follow a fashion of sorts, but not one that will be seen on catwalks in Milan. More in the coffee shops of a local high street or on a Saturday afternoon in a busy (and stinking) soft play. Think more hobo sh*t rather than boho chic.
Shoes
If you can make it out of your slippers. Congratulations! You are winning at life. Your shoe of choice will be an Ugg, sensible leather boot or snazzy pastel Converse if it's summer. You will be thinking as these are quite pricey shoes you're kinda still modern and fashionable. But you're not. They are basically just expensive slippers. Perfect for both comfort and speed.
Bottoms
Jeans, the legging or the dream combo of 'the jegging'. A hybrid that feels like a legging and it can be pulled up really high over your Mum tum so it gives your body the illusion that you are still wearing the joy of maternity clothes. But to the untrained eye (your other half) it gives the impression that you are wearing skinny jeans like Beyonce! If there is anything skinny about a size 16 woman like me in well worn slightly baggy bottoms with yellow playgroup paint smeared on one knee.
Top
A top of the smock variety. Feeling fancy? Add a belt round your waist. I also own a range of flowery dresses. The addition of flowers somehow makes me forget I'm just wearing a longish, baggy, oversized top. Of course to be worn with leggings/jeggings. Or if I'm worried the Mums on the school run think I'm looking frumpy? I will pop on a statement necklace. The only statement being I look a bit of a tramp with a jazzy necklace on.
Jeggings? Check! Comedy Sock? Check! Converse? Check!
Hair
Now it used to be a rule of thumb; have a baby, get all your hair cut off. Not so. Not now the da da daaaaaa messy bun has been introduced! The saviour of the modern Mother. Hair a mess? Hey presto, one bobble later, a smidge of dry shampoo and you basically look like a model. Albeit it a model in baggy leggings with sick down your flowery smock. And your roots? Fit very nicely into the 'ombre' trend. If it's good enough for The Kardashians? BOOM! Tis good enough for you.
Going Out, Out Clothes
See all of the above. But the flowery dress? Bit low cut oh and replace boots or pastel Converse with a sensible heel. Ok not a heel. That would be a bit much and your feet would hurt. A snazzy ballet flat. A sparkly one maybe? Jeggings? Sponge off the paint, fabreeze and you're good to go.
Coat and Bag
To compete this look at all times your must carry a bag large enough to hold both children's gloves, sun hats and everything in between. But not large enough to totally tip your buggy over whilst your child is still in it (it only happened once I swear! OK, OK twice). And finally? The Mother of all coats. The parka. It's got a hood so keeps your messy bun dry, it's long enough to hide the top of your baggy jeggings, and also if you choose wisely it can even go in the tumble dryer. Bloody marvellous! And Kate Moss wore one once I'm sure. OK so that was in 1996 but still wore one she did.
Extravagant Extras
Go on treat yourself to some nice 'fun' socks. Overall may look a total state but I tell you for free if you're at a soft play with holes in your socks, or they are a bit grubby? I will judge your mothering skills. Another good investment is a dead overpriced scarf. Something a bit floaty. Oh maybe even from Joules! No one will be looking at your pale make-up-free face when you have a bright scarf on. Will they? WILL THEY?
So you're all kitted out! You're ready to go to and strut your stuff whether it be at the playground, or rhythm and rhyme or just an escape to the park. And let's be honest? Managing to get out of our pyjamas is real a challenge in itself. So if you are up and out and wearing an actual bra? You my friend are worthy of supermodel status.
Emma blogs over at http://www.brummymummyof2.co.uk
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