08/11/2015 14:54 GMT | Updated 08/11/2016 05:12 GMT

10 Things They Really Mean When They Ask "Are They All Yours?"


The amount of times people have said to me, "Are they all yours?" is untrue. I was crazy and didn't take up the government's 15 hours of free childcare when I had the third one (apart from my daughter had three mornings at Pre-School), so the majority of my maternity leave I would always be out with the three of them. I am a bit old-fashioned like that and wanted them altogether, even though it was hardwork. I was the one in Costa Coffee trying to discretely breastfeed whilst my two-year old son would stand on the chairs and then fall off causing a scene.... no more discreet breastfeeding! I was the one that would have to leave all our paninis and drinks on the table as the toddler needed the toilet as the food arrived and I just hoped it was there when we got back. I was the one if you opened my blinds and looked in you would see me bent over whilst breastfeeding a baby and wiping the toddler's bum at the same time. My daughter had not long turned four when I had baby and my son had recently turned two, which I know are small age gaps so I can sort of see why the question got asked so many times.

10 things they really mean when they ask "Are they all yours?"

1 - Do you not own a TV?

Wow lady, have you and your husband just had sex marathons for the past 4 years, and done nothing else? In fact, he has been a work-a-holic so this actually may have helped. They say quality not quantity!

2 - Are you insane?

You must have a screw loose. What would possess you to voluntarily request more lack of sleep, another labour, more sore nipples, more sterilising bottles, more arguments with hubbie, more time trapped in the house, more time being whinged at... I could go on.

3 - Have you not heard of contraception?

God the pill is free lady, what is your excuse?

4 - Have you borrowed one?

You would never ever contemplate having another after knowing the hell of two kids fighting and not sleeping, you must have found that third one.

5 - What were you thinking?

You might have actually wanted to go for a third one. What is your reasoning behind that?

6- Poor you, the third was an accident wasn't it?

Oh no, you got caught out third time didn't you? That was unlucky.

7 - Poor you, I bet you are worn out.

Look at those bags under your eyes and you are shouting all the wrong names to your kids and they are laughing because you are getting them all mixed up, and now they are just running off in three different directions. How do you deal with that sh&t?

8 - Poor you, you must be dying inside.

The sympathy one, where they only have tw children and they know how hard another must be.

9 -Rather you than me

The huge relief as they drift off for a millisecond and think of life as a mum of three and then come back to earth and realise it was a bad dream.

10 - What possessed you to go again?

I am going to answer this one. I just knew I wanted three, and in all the chaos I wouldn't have it any other way.

I did eventually reply to this question when the nurse asked on one occasion, "Are they all yours?" "What do you mean?" I said, "Everybody always says it to me." She replied, "You don't look old enough." Now that never occurred to me, but I will take that one *smirk*.

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