21 Hilarious Yet Humbling Things Kids Have Said To Their Parents

"In a public bathroom: 'Mommy, why does your bottom cover the whole toilet seat but mine doesn’t?'"

If there’s one thing kids can do, it’s keep their parents humble. You’re a mom or dad just going about your day, feeling pretty good about yourself, and in comes your offspring to knock you down a peg or two.

Granted, they’re (probably) not calling you out to hurt your feelings — they just operate with a brutal kind of honesty that can be both harsh and endearing at the same time. We asked parents to share some of their funniest stories about the humbling comments they’ve gotten from their kids. Read them below.

1. “My 3-year-old son told me out of the blue when we were playing the other day, ‘Mommy, you so beautiful!’ I said, ‘Aww, thanks buddy!’ And then he replied, ‘You look like Olaf’ (The snowman from ‘Frozen’).” — Mary A.

2. “During COVID, when our school district was offering some in-person instruction, my kids were home three days a week and in-person two days a week. Our neighbour asked my then-5-year-old how his teacher was. He said, ‘My school teacher is really good. My home teacher — not so much.’ I was his home teacher.” — Sarah J.

3. “After I put my pants on backwards I laughed at myself and said, ‘Look how silly!’ to my then-5-year-old, who responded in a quite exasperated tone: ‘And you’re in charge!?!’ Listen, dude, I’m as surprised as you are most days, but here we are.” My Life Is The Pitts Family on Facebook

4. “I was sitting across the table from my daughter, just the two of us, when she said, ‘I love Mom.’ ‘That’s nice,’ I said — apparently unconvincingly, because she reached across the table to grab my arm like someone consoling a friend over coffee. ‘I like you, too!’ she said, giving my arm a slight squeeze. ‘It’s just, I love Mom.’ As a parent you don’t want your kid to be a people-pleaser, especially at the sake of their own feelings, so I loved that she wanted to assure me while also clarifying where I stand.” — Kevin Laferriere of @thedumbdads on Instagram

5. “Picked up my daughter, age 5, from preschool. She told me, ‘I made something for you at school today. And I was right! You DO have grey hair!’” — Maddie D.

6. “Son in college called to tell me he had met ‘the one’ — the girl of his dreams. He gushed about her for many minutes, then said, ‘Actually, she reminds me a lot of you, but without the annoying parts.’” — Kathy D.

7. “When my son was 3 and a half, I took him to a water park for the day, just me and him. It happened to be that time of the month for me, and I was trying to discreetly take care of things in the bathroom stall we were both occupying.
He not only noticed, but loudly and repeatedly asked me if I ‘was bleeding because my penis broke off.’ There was a lot of amused but compassionate laughter to be heard in that restroom!” — Heather B.

Children sure have a way of keeping your confidence in check!
Jose Luis Pelaez Inc via Getty Images
Children sure have a way of keeping your confidence in check!

8. “While I was changing clothes in my room (and thus, naked), my daughter started singing, ‘Mommy has a big white butt!’ Which, as you can imagine, was exactly what I wanted to hear in that moment. In these moments, I tried to respond with something positive or neutral (i.e., ‘Oh, that’s just how bodies are, everyone’s body is different’), but inside I was thinking, ‘Wow, darling, you sure know how to make a gal feel good about her appearance.”’

That being said, I do love how these kinds of observations — when they come from kids — don’t have any judgment behind them; they’re just naming what they notice about our adult bodies when they look at them.” — Mary Catherine Starr of @momlife_comics on Instagram

9. “I asked my son how old he thinks I am. He said 5,000. The grey hairs must be showing.” — Monique M.

10. “I was sitting in my favourite chair in a quiet moment between chores when I saw my sweet daughter tapping away at a rectangular Lego piece, humming to herself. When I asked her what she was doing she simply stated, ‘Being like you, mom: Texting, texting, texting!’

Well, first it struck me as funny because, at my age, I hardly have any friends to text. But she was calling me out for being on my phone too much, and it bothered me! Of course she doesn’t see or understand all of the things I take care of via my phone, like my side business, school emails, appointments, etc., but maybe none of that matters. The point is, she notices I’m more focused on the phone than her. It has caused me to be more cognisant of how much I pick it up in my children’s presence, and hopefully my kids will think of me as someone who bakes and plays games, instead of the tech zombie she thought I was!” — CJ Kelsey

11. “Being a working mum, preparing dinner is usually a mad rush. This results in what ends up on the plate being less-than-appealing. I had this reinforced by my 10-year-old last December when she *supportively* announced that her favorite gravy was my ‘gravy with the lumps in.’” — Laura P. of Late To The Party Laura on Instagram

12. “I got a new bag one time. It was secondhand and very boho chic. I asked my oldest daughter if she liked it. She said, ‘I do. It’s very you; old and worn out, but in a good way.’”— Kristin C.

13. “I was visiting friends at their place with my 5-year-old son Owen and they had served some snacks on the table. I picked up a cookie and Owen quickly said to me, ‘Mummy, don’t eat all the cookies, OK?’ So I replied, ‘This is only my first one.’ Owen then said rather audibly for everyone to hear, ‘At home you always eat all the cookies.’ Everyone laughed, but I made sure not to finish all the cookies that day.” — Debbie Tung of @debbietungart

14. “I’m a stay-at-home father of 4, one has special needs, and one is a toddler. So my time for reading is limited. From summer to December, my goal was to read three books, but I read four. I wasn’t a reader growing up, so this was exciting for me, so I shared this with the family at dinner.

My wife asked my 9-year-old daughter Micah, ‘Well, Miss Smarty Pants, how many did you read?’ Then I see this eager smirk from across the table and her eyes slicing into my soul, so excited to share something. I say, ‘Is there anything you’d like to say?’ She said, ‘That’s real cute, Dad.’ I was so stunned that she said that to me.

I thought to myself the most she read was maybe 10 to 15 books. She gets her iPad without saying a word and points at her total read books from mid-July to December that said 197. She looks at me with the most satisfying of smiles: ‘If you wanted to challenge me, you should have read more books or had less kids.’” — John Marshall

15. “How old were you when the Titanic sank, Mom?!?” — Buffy R.

16. “I was explaining to my nephew, age 7, how I ask my kids to eat their protein and veggies first so they have balanced nutrition. My nephew says, ‘I don’t know what you are talking about,’ and my son says, ‘Don’t worry, no one knows what she’s talking about.’” — Drea Z.

17. “I recently started exercising more and watching what I eat. I’ve lost a little weight and my wife said I was looking skinny. I was feeling great about myself for around five seconds, and then my 3-year-old daughter chimed in. ‘Daddy, you still have a big, hairy tummy.’ Honesty to keep me grounded!” — Aaron Martin of @stayathomedad on Instagram

18. “A few years ago I decided to let my hair go grey and my high-school-aged son said to me one day, ’Mom, it’s a good thing you stopped colouring your hair. It didn’t match any more with your face, which is — no offence — somewhat slightly wrinkled now. It didn’t match for you to have young hair.”” — Alexia W.

19. “My son asked me if I had makeup on and when I said yes, he said, ‘Well, you need more.’” — Lindsey B.

20. “In a public bathroom: ‘Mommy, why does your bottom cover the whole toilet seat but mine doesn’t?’ Dammit, child. Now I have to wait for everyone in this bathroom to leave.” — Jana A.

21. “When I make my 5-year-old daughter’s lunch before school, I like to ask what sounds good to her that day. She generally says either a bagel or a PB&J and some strawberries. A few days ago, I went and found her in the living room watching a cartoon before school. I bent down beside her, gave her a kiss on the cheek and asked, ‘What sounds good for your lunch today, sweetheart?’

Her reply: ‘Ugh you smell disgusting, you smell like you haven’t taken a shower in like three days. You really need to take a shower today because you smell disgusting.’ She’s really sweet but maybe not so much a morning person. I just laughed it off and headed back to the kitchen. Children do not have a filter and my wife and I are here for it. I couldn’t wait to tell her so we could both have a good laugh about it. And no, it had not been three days! Maybe two.” — Evan Berger of @thedumbdads on Instagram