Holidays, when you’re married, can be a real mixed bag.
On the one hand, getting away together can be fun and provide quality time to connect and a refreshing change of scenery. And on the other, trips can also be a source of stress and frustration that inevitably leads to bickering.
Below, we’ve gathered 29 tweets that find the humour in the ups and downs of the experience — from the packing struggles to transportation woes, to annoying spousal habits and everything in between.
*getting ready to go on vacation*
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 7, 2019
Me: We’re getting in the car.
My husband: Ok, I just need to take a quick shower & reconfigure the whole sprinkler system.
My husband and I are going on a cross country road trip. I’m in charge of snacks and entertainment. He’s in charge of “driving straight through” and “beating the GPS time”.
— Tiffany (@tiffanytweets80) May 12, 2022
⠀
Clearly we both know our strengths in this relationship.
Wife: FINALLY A WEEKEND GETAWAY FOR JUST THE TWO OF US!
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 1, 2017
Also my wife: Are you going to breathe like that for the entire trip?
Traveling with your husband is fun because no matter where you go you’ll still end up in a Wal-Mart buying the one thing he was entrusted to pack.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 16, 2020
Step one of going on vacation is having a giant argument rehashing everything from the last decade of your marriage because you are both so stressed about getting everything ready to go on vacation.
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) July 1, 2022
Lots of good memories from vacation, but probably my favorite was when my husband, who insisted on not packing a hat, admitted that he should’ve brought a hat.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 27, 2020
My husband is buying me a bathing suit because “no, you can’t just wear your underwear to the beach on this vacation what is the matter with you I refuse to believe I married someone like this.”
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 3, 2021
Me: happily buzzed in the sexiest vacation mood possible
— Just Bren Is Fine (@ogbrenna) April 27, 2023
Husband: I wonder what the wattage is on this hot tub it can't possibly be efficient
When my husband thinks of RV trips he’s thinking camping, adventure, outdoors, nature. And I think of those things too but also let’s stop at the garden center because we could fit a lot of plants in this thing to take back home.
— yelisa (@beingyelisa) June 5, 2021
My wife: we’re going to relax this vacation and not plan too many activities
— aka Josh (@tryptofantastic) June 18, 2019
Also my wife: today we are going to a palm frond macrame class, followed by bathtub snorkeling for beginners, a how-to-hibatchi course then we have to hurry so we can watch the pineapples grow by sunset
Accidentally activated “vacation dad” by telling my husband there is construction on our way to the airport…we are now leaving at 3 am for a 5 pm flight. We live 20 mins away.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) August 3, 2022
My wife was somehow swapped out by aliens on vacation. We got home and she quickly emptied her suitcases and put everything away. That's not her, she usually takes at least two weeks.
— Forward March (@RunOldMan) August 12, 2019
The best part of our week-long beach vacation was my wife coming up with a slogan for a hypothetical line of masc lesbian swim shorts: “are you a top who can’t figure out your bottoms?”
— gabrielle korn (@Gabrielle_Korn) February 16, 2023
I love traveling with my husband because it gives us an opportunity to bicker in new and exotic locations.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 8, 2022
Vacation is just your wife not liking any of your restaurant suggestions closer to the ocean.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 10, 2019
When my husband and I go on vacation we get wild by switching sides of the bed.
— Stephanie Wyeld (@steph_the_twit) January 24, 2020
For someone who has "no clue" what she's going to wear on our vacation, my wife has very strong opinions on everything I've packed for myself.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 5, 2020
I told my wife she was packing the suitcase wrong so guess whose vacation clothes are on the lawn right now.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 17, 2021
Headed out on a road trip with my husband so if I’m never heard from again he probably got us lost because he “doesn’t need directions.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 27, 2019
Me, writes out daily outfits for trip on stationary, folds each outfit together, makes labels with the day I am to wear said outfit and attaches it to the folded pile and lays each gently into suitcase.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 27, 2018
Husband, “Do you think I need more than 3 pairs of socks?”
Me packing for a 3 day trip: 3 sets of clothing
— Bart (@bartandsoul) October 4, 2019
My wife packing for a 3 day trip: 8 sets of clothing, 4 books, and a puppy
Sorry I spent the first five hours of our vacation connecting everything to the wifi.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 1, 2018
The best part of coming back from a long vacation is watching my husband go around the neighborhood on his reunion tour to give out gifts and catch up on all the gossip he missed.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 20, 2022
Secret to a successful marriage is separate vacations
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 3, 2022
My wife: Are you ready to leave for vacation today?
— lucy bexley 🧃 (@bexley_lucy) August 6, 2020
Me: Totally, I can’t wait to not be here anymore.
My wife: No, I meant did you pack?
Me: Ok, so I guess I’m not technically “ready”
[packing for vacation]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 1, 2021
Wife: Don't forget underwear.
Me: I know.
Wife: Because you always forget underwear.
Me: I KNOW.
Wife: It's like the first thing you pack I don't know how-
Me: OMG I GET IT PACK UNDERWEAR.
[unpacking at condo]
Me: you won't believe this
Had a big argument with my husband on a Disney Cruise about whether or not something was a picture of Remy from "Ratatouille" (it was.) This vacation is tearing us apart.
— Benjamin Siemon (@BenjaminJS) March 28, 2019
Marriage is getting back from vacation and saying, “Hey that was great, we barely fought at all!”
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) September 15, 2020
I’ve heard of pre-marriage counseling but I really feel like we should go in for a tune up before we pack this car for vacation.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 23, 2019