funny tweets

"Always so humbling when the stupid little walk I go on for my stupid mental health actually makes me feel better."
"I'm just a mom standing in front of this car asking my kids not to fight on this road trip."
"My toddler said 'I feel drinky' and yeah girl, same."
"Weird pregnancy craving of the day: Chinese food and mashed potatoes. At the same time."
"My kid told me he deserved more cheese and who am I to argue with that"
"Shout out to all the lucky ones working from home today in their pants."
"In case you were on the fence about having kids, my 3-year-old threw a temper tantrum because her tongue is pink."
"Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife's plans for the second time."
"My 7yo is pretty condescending for somebody who still needs to be reminded to go to the bathroom."