Before kids you were in blissful ignorance of children's TV. Now you could win Mastermind on the collected works of SpongeBob SquarePants. You can't remember the last time you watched the news without dozing off but you're word-perfect on the Octonauts' theme song and get absurdly animated defending Squidward.
Does this sound familiar?
You will also have no embarrassment in answering Dora out loud. Yes, you are talking to a screen but no one can see you.
These are the people who help us cope with 6am starts and are with us when we're flagging in the evening. When your child (and you!) first discover the joy of television, you might find these TV presenters exhaustingly enthusiastic or just plain odd. But after months, even years, of welcoming them into your daily life, you'll think of them fondly - even discover them inhabiting your dreams. So what if they talk to root vegetables or favour primary-coloured jumpers, what person in their right mind wouldn’t develop a crush on someone who is energetic, funny, can hold a tune and is brilliant at entertaining kids? Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp don't have anything on them.
So much so that when another adult without children points out the silliness, you'll give them a pitying "you just don't get it until you have children" look. Of course the starfish will be called Patrick, wear green and purple shorts and have a tan line. But you'll still enjoy an internal snigger over the double-entendres and adult themes your kids won't get until they're university students, like the joy of the Krusty Krab in Bikini Bottom. While the subversive, anarchic adventures of Finn and Jake in Adventure Time's the Land of Ooo is a gift for sleep-deprived parents.
Like why doesn't Velma in Scooby Doo just get herself some lenses? How does Peppa Pig’s family put up with her bossiness? And why don't Dora the Explorer's parents get her a new T-shirt that fits?
The one that annoys you will probably be the one your child has a full-blown crush on and their most cherished toy will be this character. If only we could steer our kids towards the characters we love instead. He might be serious and a little uptight but (like Jimmy Carr from Channel 4’s 8 Out Of 10 Cats), doesn’t Spongebob’s Squidward get all the best one-liners?
The brand new Sky Kids app for tablets has over 4,000 episodes of their favourite TV shows - from Octonauts and Peppa Pig to Adventure Time and Scooby Doo. Parents can create a personalised profile with shows tailored to their children's age, and have peace of mind knowing there are absolutely no adult content or annoying pop-up ads. The Sky Kids app comes at no extra cost for existing Sky customers with the Variety, Family or Sky Q Bundle.