This is an embarrassing open admission to my love of Fleabag.
I remember watching the first season back in 2016 and being completely overwhelmed at how fresh and unique it felt to me. I’d never seen anything like it before, it made me laugh until my belly hurt. I had to pause it after every joke to really absorb it and take it in before continuing. But it also made me so unbelievably sad and emotional, the sheer rawness of the emotion that’s presented to us is what I think makes it so addictive. It’s not glamorised or made to seem pretty and unattainable, it’s real, at times quite brutal and refreshingly honest. And so time and time again I found myself going back to it, re-watching each episode over and over just to fully appreciate the magnitude of my love for it.
Season one was something I clung to for three years, re-watching it whenever I needed a pick me up or a big cry or just a reminder of how good it is. So when season two was announced after so long I couldn’t contain my excitement for anyone. And it’s interesting, now that it’s over looking back and realising how different the seasons feel. I realise how sad season one was, how raw and ugly and upsetting it was and how season two although never free of it’s sad moments, was full of hope and joy and new beginnings. After the final episode yesterday I can say wholeheartedly I have made my piece with the show. I thought I’d feel sad or angry that it’s over but the way it ended just felt right, it felt complete.
A brilliant aspect of the show is these little glistening moments that are sprinkled throughout that stay with you. And watching it through you go on a journey with Fleabag to the very end, you experience love and loss and humiliation and sadness with her, you’re a friend sitting on her shoulder going through the motions alongside her and it feels right. There have been so many moments in the show that have stuck to me and have become a really important part of me, there are cutting one liners and deeply sad moments that are just so human and so real, they’ve become unforgettable. In yesterdays episode when Claire said ‘the only person I’d run through an airport for is you’ that really got to me. Throughout the show we’re teased with that sisterly relationship, Claire never fully shows her emotion or love for her sister. They have a turbulent relationship but time and space heals it and it’s so comforting to know that even when they bicker and shout and hate each other, they’re above anything else, sisters. Sisters who really love each other and they aren’t being defined by their romantic relationships in the show, what defines them is their affection for each other and how that loyalty is unrelenting. That to me is just one tiny slither of the poetry of the show.
And the show blends humour and sadness so so well. I remember a moment that really got to me in season one:
‘Sometimes I wish I didn’t even know that fucking existed. And I know that my body as it is now really is the only thing I have left and when that gets old and unfuckable I may as well just kill it. And somehow there isn’t anything worse than someone who doesn’t want to fuck me. I fuck everything... Either everyone feels like this a little bit and they’re just not talking about it or I’m completely fucking alone. Which isn’t fucking funny.’
I really love the portrayal of women in Fleabag. So often women in TV and film are just so far from the women I know in my life and that’s difficult to see. But this show manages to capture the reality of women, the reality of women that are dirty and broken and rude and emotional. And the multiple layers that women have, the fact that women can be more than one thing, Fleabag tackles that brilliantly. The characters are deep and layered but they’re also inherently flawed and I think that’s really important too.
Overall this show has taught me so much, more than a word count can possibly allow. But it inspires me to be a better writer and more importantly to be a better more open honest woman. It makes me feel seen and heard and appreciated and I love love love it.
Thank you Fleabag for everything.