While Paper’s past ‘BTI’ photo-shoots have focussed on their subjects’ outrageous public personas (who could forget Kim Kardashian’s infamous cover, or Nicki Minaj in a supposed “minaj à trois” with herself), Amanda appears in a more stripped back and muted spread.
In the accompanying interview, she reflects on her history of drug abuse, which she says was responsible for her behaviour when she was at the height of her personal problems.
Now sober for four years, Amanda told the magazine that she “started smoking marijuana when I was 16”, which eventually progressed to other drugs “like molly and ecstasy”, as well as Adderall.
Amanda said that she feels the drugs affected her judgement and perception, including of herself, claiming that when she herself on screen in ‘Hall Pass’ (which she eventually dropped out of) and ‘Easy A’, she was disturbed by her appearance.
“I literally couldn’t stand my appearance in that movie and I didn’t like my performance,” she explained, reflecting on the first time she watched ‘Easy A’. “I was absolutely convinced I needed to stop acting after seeing it.
“I was high on marijuana when I saw that but for some reason it really started to affect me. I don’t know if it was a drug-induced psychosis or what, but it affected my brain in a different way than it affects other people. It absolutely changed my perception of things.”
She added: “I saw it and I was convinced that I should never be on camera again and I officially retired on Twitter, which was, you know, also stupid. If I was going to retire, I should’ve done it in a press statement — but I did it on Twitter. Real classy!
“But, you know, I was high and I was like, ‘You know what? I am so over this’ so I just did it. But it was really foolish and I see that now. I was young and stupid.”
After retiring from acting, Amanda said she lost her “purpose in life”, noting this was when she fell in with what she described as a “seedier crowd” and would “literally be stoned all day long”.
“I was just stuck at home, getting high, watching TV and tweeting,” she recalled.
Now hoping to get back into the acting world, Amanda said: “My advice to anyone who is struggling with substance abuse would be to be really careful because drugs can really take a hold of your life.
“Everybody is different, obviously, but for me, the mixture of marijuana and whatever other drugs and sometimes drinking really messed up my brain. It really made me a completely different person. I actually am a nice person. I would never feel, say or do any of the things that I did and said to the people I hurt on Twitter.”
At the height of her personal troubles, Amanda was hospitalised after starting a fire in her neighbours’ driveways, after which her mother filed for a conservatorship, which is still in effect.
Read her full interview in Paper magazine.
Need friendly, confidential advice on drugs?
- Contact FRANK on 0300 123 6600 or visit the website for alternative contact methods.