7 Jolly News Stories To Make Today Better

Snails, wine and haberdashery.

So, something big happened today Stateside but we’ll gloss over that.

Instead here are seven uplifting news stories to remind you have the good things in the world.

First of all, calm yourself with this easy-to-follow breathing technique.

1) Jeremy the ‘lefty’ snail got a date.

Jeremy, you slimy-smooth lothario.

2) Two families won bedroom tax rulings against the Tories.

People 1 - Tories 0

3) People are making Christmas trees out of wine bottles.

Which, quite frankly, is f*cking excellent.

4) John Lewis is NOT closing its haberdashery section.

Praise the Lord and all his buttons.

5) An Iraqi man saved 70 people from ISIS snipers by giving them lifts in his bulletproof BMW.

Ako Abdulrahman, you absolute legend.

6) Middle aged? Female? Well...

You lucky devil you.

7) Lies, deception and more lies.

For a lovely cause so it’s OK.

And if all that fails, CATS