About four years ago, I developed alcohol dependency issues without even realising it. I was unware of the extent of my drinking, the impact it was having on my health and wellbeing or even that I was dependent. Like many that have been in this boat, I didn’t recognise the seriousness of the problem until I stopped and went through the severe withdrawal that followed.
Yet, the irony was, I was aware I was regularly drinking a fair bit of wine over many hours. I often told people around me, mainly friends and family, that I had a few too many glasses again the night before, while working into the early hours. For a long time, I was a hamster on a wheel and still managing to go to the gym virtually every day, sleep for a few hours, just about remember to eat and seemingly ‘functioning.’ But of course one can only function in a life that thrives on adrenaline, until it eventually reaches its peak.
We all have vices and we all self-medicate at various points, whether we care to admit to it or not. It’s not simply alcohol, recreational or prescription drugs I’m talking about, but also smoking, food, exercise, shopping, work, sex and the list goes on and on. Whether the substance(s) of preference, or means to self-medicate, is socially acceptable or socially unacceptable is down to personal opinion. However, if we remove the substance or coping mechanism of preference from the equation, it may help us to think differently, relate and understand ourselves better?
Unfortunately, when it comes to alcohol and drug dependency issues in particular, society generally still has an old fashioned and conservative attitude. A typical response may be ‘they did it to themselves,’ ‘they’ve only got themselves to blame’ and ‘it was their choice.’ When did choice ever come into it, really? On a superficial level it may be considered a ‘choice’ but that isn’t actually the case. Underlying emotional distress and trauma are often undiagnosed in people with dependency and addiction issues, and in many cases it should be regarded as a mental health problem. Wine drinking helped numb and suppress those thoughts, memories and triggers and, for all the wrong reasons, it worked, in the short term but not in the longer term.
Having had personal experience of bulimia in my past for eight years, I often consider alcohol dependency a relapse but manifested in a different way. Comparable to bulimia, it’s hidden and secretive in its nature and carried out in isolation. Upon reflection, I now realise that the issues that fuelled my bulimic episodes hadn’t necessarily gone away. Instead they had just become dormant, there in the background and triggered by events in adulthood almost a decade on. To me, telling someone to not drink or take drugs is like saying to someone with anorexia to just eat; or someone with bulimia not to binge and purge; or someone who self injures not to cut themselves. Ultimately, it ignores the psychological components of the illness and concentrates on the behavioural aspects, which will get nowhere if that is the focus of someone’s treatment and recovery.
As for Dry January I do support it for what it aims to achieve in principle, to prevent people falling into the perils of dependency. Although it’s only part of the solution to a wider and complex set of problems.
Useful websites and helplines:
- Addaction, offers trained advisers who provide information and support, including webchat service.
- Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393
- Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill.)
- The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email: help@themix.org.uk
- Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0300 5000 927 (open Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on www.rethink.org.