Eurovision 2019: 24 Things That Are Guaranteed To Happen During Every Song Contest

Eurovision 2019 is here! Ici! Hier! And we can barely contain our excitement. Why? Because we are bound to hear and/or see all of the following...

1) The phrase ‘Good evening Europe!’ over and over again

2) Dancing like this...

3) ...and like this

4) A heartfelt duet

5) A piece of performance art

6) Adorable children

7) Adorable elderly people

8) Hilarity from Graham Norton

9) Sarcasm from Graham Norton

10) Brutal honesty from Graham Norton

11) A presenter looking at the wrong camera

12) A song with subliminally political lyrics

13) A singer who can also do gymnastics

14) A singer getting over-enthusiastic

15) Backing dancers getting over-enthusiastic

16) Gratuitously sexy women who aren’t actually in the band

17) Homoerotic and/or ‘historical’ costumes

18) Someone who looks a bit like a British celebrity (in this case, Claudia Winkleman)

19) Someone standing with an unknown European landmark behind them

20) Someone doing this when they win/finish their song

21) At least eight fantastically glamorous divas who look and perform like this

22) At least 12 countries who are still stuck in the ’80s

23) At least one wind machine

24) An unexpected British celebrity to pop up and read our result