Exactly 70 days ago, I found out I was pregnant. I was drunk when I found out I was pregnant. I was actually out celebrating the Christmas break with my two best friends, when the male friend said, “your period is how late?’, and scurried off to Tesco to acquire two Clear Blue pregnancy tests (not an advert for Clear Blue, but definitely better than the £2 tests I’d used before).
On his return, I drank lots of water, laughed at the ludicrousness of it all and scampered to the toilets of Dean Street Townhouse. It was in this toilet that I found out I was with child. My face on exiting the toilet said it all, tear stained cheeks and a look of total shock. All three of us cried together and I immediately legged it for Paddington so I could get home to my husband. Husband was very happy, if not shocked at how quickly this had all happened, and now here we are…
70 days later and I am slumped on my sofa, working from home (I am a freelance talent booker), with reruns of Friends on mute in the background. There’s no doubt that I am utterly over the moon to be pregnant; it was planned, I’m 30 and married, we own a house, I generally have my sh*t together (just), we want a family, but WOAH… why doesn’t anyone warn you how hard it is to grow a human inside of you?
I mean, ok, they warn you - ‘they’ tell you you’ll get morning sickness, ‘they’ tell you you’ll get fat, ‘they’ tell you it really will hurt when you push that watermelon sized baby out of your nether regions, but what they don’t tell you is EVERYTHING ELSE.
- The exhaustion is overwhelming. I am permanently tired, I actually refuse to believe I’ve ever slept a wink in my life, that’s how tired. I’m tired all the time and I was told it would get better in my second trimester, well I’m two weeks into that and I’m still SO tired. Thank goodness I can nap on my lunch breaks (the perks of working from home!). The worst thing is I’m going to be even more tired when the baby comes… is this the warm up?
- You’re permanently starving. I am hungrier than I ever imagined I could be. This whole “don’t eat for two thing”, well I’m trying but hell, I can’t.stop.eating. I’m a machine. Before I got pregnant, I was on a protein only diet, working out with a PT three times a week and not eating bread during the week. Now I dream about bread, and I dream a lot because I’m always asleep! The other night I ate a pot noodle in bed at 10pm. I’d already had dinner, this was my second dinner. Just yesterday I had sushi AND a sandwich for lunch, that is two people’s lunches. I’ve tried to eat healthily but it’s just not working! Thankfully for some strange reason I’ve only gained 2 kilos…so far!
- You grow out your clothes almost instantly. My 28” jeans no longer do up and so I go out with my button undone. I’ve reached new lows. I’ve tried on maternity jeans but my bump is too small to hold them up and if one more person tells me to wear leggings, out of the house, I will burn all leggings (I’m currently sitting in a pair of leggings).
- You grow some serious milkers. I’ve always been a comfortable 34B, but NOT ANYMORE. I am too scared to get measured. I like my small boobs, they suit me, they work for me. But baby apparently wants me to have huge milkers that provide constant streams of milk. They appeared the day after I found out I was preggo and have been expanding, to my husband’s delight, ever since. And don’t even get me started on my nipples…
- Not everyone gets morning sickness. I’m one of the lucky ones, and boy am I thankful. Yes I’ve had nausea and actually I’ve thrown up three times, but just three. Ironically I’ve only thrown up when I’ve eaten something healthy - what is baby telling me? Morning sickness isn’t the only symptom and I feel like it was the only one I was warned about!
- They warn you about your hormones but... that doesn’t prepare you for the crying at nothing. Hormones during a period are one thing, but pregnancy hormones. I cried because my husband said I didn’t need to put proper clothes on for Valentine’s day, I cried because he shouted too loudly at the football, I cried because he didn’t tell someone I was allergic to prawns... and when he asks “what is wrong?”, I scream in an unusually loud voice: “I’M PREGNANT” and then cry because I was mean and loud. You’re not you when you’re pregnant.
- Your skin won’t glow. Now apparently I look pregnant because I am “glowing with happiness”. Everyone tells you how amazing you look. BUT they’re lying. I have acne all over my face. I’ve always suffered with bad skin and I was praying for that glowing skin, but instead of the normal culprits on the chin, I now have pimples all over my forehead. WHERE IS MY GLOWING CLEAR SKIN?
- All the rest. The headaches, the scary stomach cramps, the vivid dreams,the baby brain (I’ve forgotten I’m meeting friends too many times to count now), the constant panic, all the food you suddenly can’t eat, the lack of sex drive, the bloat, the constipation… do I need to go on?
I bet those reading this are thinking, hell, this girl sure likes to moan, does she even want to be pregnant? And I say, do I want this small alien inside of me, sucking all the life out of me? Yes, YES I DO. More than anything. I am beyond happy to be pregnant, but ladies, it’s tough right? It’s draining, it’s scary, it’s all so new, but by golly, it’s exciting and I’m so proud. I am growing a little human inside of me (aren’t women so clever?!), and seeing baby at 12 weeks was one of the most wonderful moments of our lives, it filled me with love, it’s breathtaking.
So, all I can say to conclude this is; I hope the little alien doesn’t come out looking like an alien, but if it has my husband’s nose and my ears, it stands very little chance…..
70 days and counting...