Placing children in Santa Claus’ lap and taking an awkward photo is surely one of the strangest Christmas traditions. So naturally, it’s also an excellent source of jokes.
We’ve rounded up 40 hilarious tweets from parents (and some non-parents) about taking kids to see the jolly old man in red. Enjoy!
'Tis the season to bribe your kids to take one freaking picture with the jolly mall Santa without losing their shit completely.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 4, 2016
I'm not the kind of mom who takes her kids to see Santa out of tradition, but more for the blackmail photos.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) December 8, 2014
I can’t be the only one making the throat slashing sign at the mall Santa when their child asks for the newest iPhone.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 3, 2019
$28 to take a picture with Santa at the mall? Now I know how he can afford all the presents and how he can pay all those elves.
— John Willey (@DaddysinCharge) December 22, 2016
I wish this mall Santa would do me a solid and tell my kids to throw away their juice box straw wrappers.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 18, 2016
Cute photo of your kid with Santa. Also, you just stood in line and paid $50 for a stranger in a disguise to touch your child.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) December 11, 2013
[in the mall]
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 16, 2014
Me: Want to sit on Santa’s lap?
4-year-old: I don't think he’s the real Santa.
Me:
4: Should we call the police?
[at the mall]
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 7, 2018
me: it's time you know the truth — Santa is fake
son: omg
me: yeah, he was talking mad shit about you behind your back
I told my son to give an Elf on the Shelf to the mall Santa and whisper in his ear, "Send him back to hell where he belongs, Mall Santa."
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 10, 2016
Your kid's picture with the mall Santa should include 2 things:
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 10, 2014
~ A stiff drink for the parents
~ Antibiotics for the kids
I made my 5yo tell the mall Santa what he wanted for Christmas using only interpretive dance.
— Ms. Monster (@SpacePlankton) December 22, 2013
Add a bit of cheer by threatening to cancel Christmas if they don't stop fighting while in line to see Santa.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 21, 2014
Makes for great pictures!
I’m pretty sure I saw this department store Santa in an old episode of “Dateline.”
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) December 20, 2014
My 2 year old is absolutely TERRIFIED of this mall Santa. Given his behavior over the past year, I can't say I blame him.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 24, 2018
the best moment of my life was when my brother, a 5-year-old Toy Story fan, screamed at a mall Santa "I WANT A BIG WOODY"
— Sammy Nickalls (@sammynickalls) September 25, 2017
I’m done Christmas shopping.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 16, 2017
Or I WAS.
Until my kids talked to a mall Santa.
If you're on the fence about having kids, please come see my new film "Tantrumopolis". It's actual footage captured of kids' behavior while waiting in an ungodly long lineup to see Mall Santa. Harrowing.
— Healthy Living for Hot Messes (@HLFHM) December 9, 2018
[at the mall waiting to see santa]
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) December 20, 2015
Me [ushering my son to him]: it's ok, you can tell him
Son [gently to Santa]: fuck you fat man
My 5yo had her photo with Santa this afternoon, and instead of saying "cheese" he said "sausage rolls."
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) December 23, 2016
Mall Santa: Ho Ho Ho, an adorable little child peed on me...again...this hour
— The Alex Nevil, Thanksgiver (@TheAlexNevil) December 20, 2015
Real Santa: Thanks for taking the hit for me, Brother
This mall Santa smells like Axe. Fuck everything.
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) December 21, 2012
Why does Santa make a big deal sneaking down the chimney on Xmass when I see him walking around the mall like everyday?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 30, 2010
[first day as mall santa]
— The Dad (@thedad) December 16, 2018
me: *while looking the dad directly in the eye* kid, you're getting every single thing you ask me for
Siri, what obscure place can I take my kids for pictures with Santa where there is no traffic, no crowds, no people, and no 'cheer'?
— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) December 21, 2012
Trying to get holiday pic of my daughter. Beginning to understand why the "elf" who takes Santa pictures at the mall always looks so surly.
— Cara (@Carabee) December 13, 2010
*first day as mall Santa
— The Alex Nevil, Thanksgiver (@TheAlexNevil) December 7, 2018
“That’s nice. So, is your mom single?”
A cute thing I tell my kids is that if you fart while sitting on Mall Santa's lap, Real Santa will bring you extra presents.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 1, 2012
A time-worn Santa sits hunched in the center of a mall with only two stores open. His response to each child's request is,"in this economy?"
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) December 10, 2015
Santa should be at the mall year round to remind kids daily to be nice or they're not getting shit. You should petition this, parents.
— brain vomit (@heidi420x) September 12, 2013
This morning, 11 yo son told me "That Santa at the mall isn't the REAL Santa." He sounded so wise and cool!
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) November 21, 2011
Wife: ugh our daughter won’t eat any food.
— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 26, 2018
Me: I’m on it.
[later]
Me: [slides $20 across the table] tell my toddler to eat her food.
Mall Santa: I’m on it.
"I'll ask Mrs. Claus" is actually mall Santa code for "I don't want to answer that."
— UberFacts (@UberFacts) December 12, 2015
I'm sorry, Mall Santa, but I have to have my son spray your beard with Lysol Disinfectant before he sits down.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 2, 2015
[in line to see Santa at the mall]
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) December 12, 2015
Me [pouring water on son's lap]: 🎶 he knows if you've been bad or good & if you've pissed yourself 🎶
Behind every mall picture with Santa is a mom snapping her fingers behind the photographer and scream pleading for their child to smile.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) December 22, 2015
mall santa: what would you like for christmas little boy?
— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) December 8, 2018
me: it’s ok *whispers in his ear* just like we practiced
my son: ok *sighs* i want my dad to be able to dunk
If googling photos of terrified children sitting on Santa's lap and laughing until I am crying is wrong, I don't want to be right.
— Sometimes, they call me Doog. (@AuntMarvel) December 5, 2011
Me: Did you tell him what you want?
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) December 13, 2015
My 4yo after visiting mall Santa: I didn't know what to say so I said "Goodbye, Schnezzlapper."
This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) December 20, 2012
Plot twist: your kid makes mall Santa cry.
— 🎄Sardonic Tart🎄 (@SardonicTart) December 10, 2015