If You Live In This City, We've Got Bad News About Your Sex Life

Turns out, we're a secretive bunch.
Maria Korneeva via Getty Images

Sexual frequency has been in decline for a while now. And, while quality always trumps quantity when it comes to sex, people in these cities can’t get no satisfaction.

According to a survey of 1,500 people from sexual wellness brand Lovehoney, people in Belfast have the worst sex, with 18% of people saying their sexual desires are not met, and 33% have unfulfilled sexual fantasies.

Specifically, Belfast residents fear their sexual preferences are more kinky than their partners, (24%), with 30% saying they kept a secret because they didn’t think their partner would accept it.

In Edinburgh, things aren’t looking much better as it’s been rated as the city with the most people not having their sexual desires met. In stark contrast, across the country in Glasgow, people are reportedly having the best sex, with 65% of people admitting all their sexual desires are met.

Lovehoney says that for most of us, when it comes to sharing certain things with our partners about our sex lives gives us major cringe. In the survey, a fear of being judged (32%) and embarrassed (30%) were large reasons for many Brits to keep their sexual secrets.

But keeping these secrets is ultimately making our sex feel lacklustre.

What are we all so frightened of sharing — and, what can be done to dismantle this shame?

What are we keeping under wraps?

Listen, shame is a pleasure killer and it’s keeping us from exploring our desires in more ways than one.

In Lovehoney’s survey, over one in five Brits (22%) have lied to a partner about how many people they’ve had sex with. This is even more common in Brighton where nearly a third of the population (30%) said they’ve kept this from a partner. And, overall, this is Briton’s best kept sex secret.

Sex satisfaction plays a crucial role in our overall wellbeing, as well as our sexual function. So, while it might feel a bit uncomfortable letting people know exactly how you like to (or want to) get your rocks off, being honest about your pleasure can positively impact your health.

Ness Cooper, Clinical Sexologist says that the best way to start prioritising authentic pleasure is to open up a two-way conversation.

“Asking your partner if they like or dislike anything in particular around sex can help them be part of the process and reduce alienation. Also, make sure to bring up the positives of your sex life too, so you aren’t just focusing on the negatives,” Cooper advises.

If the thought of bringing this conversation up sends a cool sweat across your brow, then fear not. Cooper says that finding calm amidst the shame is key, and that you don’t always need to start the conversation with ‘we need to talk’.

“While giving voice to our needs and desires can be important, sometimes using text messages can be a great way to talk about something you find hard to discuss,” she says.

However, some of us might feel unsure about what it is we want to try, or how to articulate the type of pleasure we want to experience.

“If you’re unsure about what exactly you want or need in the bedroom, using sex toys solo can be a good way to learn about erotic embodiment and what sensations feel good for you,” Cooper adds, “This in turn can make it easier to communicate those likes to a partner. Small dildos, vibrators, or butt plugs can be a great starting point, so see how these work for you, and then you might like to think about introducing them to a partner.”