THE BLOG
03/07/2018 12:15 BST | Updated 03/07/2018 12:15 BST

I Watched 'Love Island' For The First Time – And It Was Brutal

Don’t call it ‘Love Island’. There’s no love there. It’s basically ‘The Hunger Games’ meets ‘Ex On The Beach’

ITV/REX/Shutterstock

Last night I watched a young woman get her heart broken on TV while tanned couples sat around her in a semi-circle. It was dark.

It transpired that the lass with the high ponytail - who I soon discovered was called Georgia - was coupled up with Josh who had gone off to a place called Casa Amore. Georgia thought Josh had stayed loyal to her during his visit to the Casa and would come back alone so they could pick up where they left off. But (of course) he didn’t.

Oh no, Josh came out holding hands with another conventionally attractive woman and Georgia, seemingly on the verge of tears, looked like someone had ripped out her heart and eaten it in front of her.

It was absolutely brutal and I was shocked. I’d tuned in for 20 minutes and was absolutely distraught for this poor human who had nowhere to turn while approximately three million viewers watched her be humiliated by a guy she had very clearly fallen for.

It was the first time I’d watched ‘Love Island’. I knew what the show was as soon as I flicked onto ITV2. Anyone with Twitter does. For the past month or so I’ve watched my timeline turn into a frenzy at 9pm: I’ve come to know that Adam is ‘a twat’, Megan is ‘a snake’, Dani is ‘a Queen’. I’d be lying if I said this constant stream of information and drama hadn’t piqued my interest, so last night I decided to sit back, put my feet up and relax.

Except it wasn’t relaxing at all. I was watching from behind the palms of my hands. I then went to bed thinking about that poor gal getting dumped on TV and how she was probably feeling really, really shitty right now.

Tensions were also high in the ‘Big Brother’ house ‘Love Island’ camp when Jack’s ex rocked up holding hands with another well-polished guy. An unimpressed Dani - who is with Jack - and her mate Samira were having a conversation about this using just facial expressions, while Jack sat looking a bit stunned and equally a bit like he’d been hit in the face by a wet cabbage.

And that was literally in the space of about 10 minutes. I can’t even begin to imagine the emotional turmoil that the show has caused for both contestants and viewers alike. I’m also pretty sad that future generations are watching this potentially thinking ‘this is what love is’. When actually, it really isn’t.

Don’t call it ‘Love Island’. There’s no love there. It’s basically ‘The Hunger Games’ meets ‘Ex On The Beach’ meets every dating show ever. It’s Love (Don’t Exist Here) Island and after last night, I don’t think I’ll be watching it again.