“My partner and I were engaged, and we were planning our wedding but it’s broken off. Before [the] breakup we downgraded our relationship to boyfriend girlfriend. Deep in my heart I have doubts about the future.”
These were the words of Reddit user Brilliant-Today5489 in a new post. She had been with her partner for three years, planning a wedding and creating a life together when she ended their relationship.
The couple were happy and excited for the future. On paper, they were a great pairing. In reality, the poster confided that her partner’s children chipped away at the foundation of their relationship until finally, it ended.
The difficulties of being a step-parent became too much
On the popular /r/relationships subreddit, the user said that despite both of her partner’s children being adults, there is still a lot of tension in the household between her and them, especially recently. She said, “Lately the youngest and middle daughter are going through a rebellious and depressive phase. They act rudely towards her father and me. They roll their eyes when they see me.”
She added that while she does a lot to try and bond with them such as gifts, salon visits and cooking with the two, “they just don’t appreciate it and they don’t see me as someone that they want in their lives.”
If you’re anything like me, you’re probably wondering where her partner is in all of this. Has he said anything? Does he intervene?
Well, not so much it seems. The user admitted that he’s not exactly helpful saying, “He is not great at communicating (like most men), and he always just ends up not saying anything instead of trying to explain things to her.”
Adding, “It’s like he almost doesn’t know when to explain and talk to the child and when to set boundaries. This really frustrates me at times.”
The user says that she’s tried to make him a little more proactive and involved saying, “I have tried to get my partner to be more proactive at disciplining them. The kids of course still don’t like it, and they test their father all the time. I think they feel that their father would be more chilled and relaxed if I wasn’t in the picture.”
Over time, this seems to have broken the user down as she says, “The girls act rude or say rude things to me, and all I can do is shut my mouth and wait until my partner comes over, then they have even less respect for me. They see that I can’t even fight my own battles.”
At the end of this vulnerable post, she asks if she should stay broken up or try to work through things with the partner that she “loves to bits”.
Was she wrong to break up with him?
Well, if the top comment is anything to go by, no she was not. User AZBusyBee pointed out, “You didn’t end it because of the kids, you ended it because your lazy ex didn’t respect you enough to protect you from his family drama and take steps to make room for you in his life.”
They went on to add, “The boundary setting with His kids/ex was his responsibility and he failed/ didn’t even try. That would have been one stressful life if he never changed.”
Finally, they ended their comment with sage advice: “You should never act on the potential someone might change and take them at face value for who they show you they are now. You made the right decision to break up.”