There Are 7 Types Of Lockdown Hangover – How Many Have You Had?

Featuring: 'The dark one' – because life itself is one big hangover, these days.

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“So pissed last night I can’t remember getting home from the living room,” read this tweet – and we can relate.

In lockdown, sales of booze and baking ingredients have gone up, according to reports, while sales of makeup, plants and newspapers have all gone down.

Many of us are turning to wine, gin and homemade cocktails as we hold Zoom parties or catch-ups with friends – and the real upside? We don’t even have to put a brave face on the morning commute.

Here are the 7 types of hangover people are having in quarantine – how many have you experienced?

The Unashamedly Lazy One

Feel like staying in bed until noon? Well, what was once a distant dream is now a reality. You won’t feel any guilt at all about wasting the day – by staying in bed, you’re quite literally doing a national service. It’s the absolute dream. You’ll probably whack on a box-set and eat a Super Noodle sandwich – because you deserve it. Just make sure you change out of your pyjamas at bedtime (to another set, obvs).

The Dark, Dark One

Coupled with despair over the pandemic, a bad hangover can be a scary thing indeed. If a banging head and nausea wasn’t awful enough, now you’re suffering from existential dread, as well – because life itself is one big hangover, these days. You’ll get yourself in a funk on the sofa, not knowing what to do. You’ll struggle to even turn the TV on. If you find yourself staring into the vortex more often than not, it might be a good idea to stop drinking for a while. At least until tomorrow, anyway.

The Stealthy One

You’ll wake up and feel okay. Too okay. This one sneaks up on you, when you least expect it. You’ll bounce out of bed, feeling smug, send a few giddy texts to pals to report back that you’re “not hungover at all, actually!” You’ll be aware, as you skip downstairs to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, that something is slightly off... that’s because you’re still drunk, babes. Go gently. It’s gonna hit you after lunch. Thankfully, because #lockdown, you can go back to bed and – sshhhh, whisper it – nobody need know a thing.

anniepaddington via Getty Images

The Parental One

Hungover, but still having to homeschool? Preach. You’re in for a bad day ahead and you know it. You’ll wake up and the realisation will hit you: and you’ll be desperate to go back to bed. Thank goodness for remote teaching (and thank you, teachers). If your kids are old enough to get on with their work unsupervised, count yourself lucky. You’ll sit on the sofa, chain-drinking coffee, until it’s time to go to sleep again. If not, screentime is your friend. Lockdown is hard, don’t beat yourself up over it. A ‘TV day’ isn’t going to hurt anyone.

The Antsy One

Is there any better cure for a terrible hangover than a cool, refreshing swim? Or a long, sweaty gym session? For you, starting the day off with exercise is the absolute best – but now we’re in lockdown, you can’t do that, and that can give a serious case of antsy feelings. You’ll feel the dread, the restlessness, the stress of not being able to shake it off. At least you can get outside once a day, so why not swap ‘swimming it off’ for ‘walking’ or ‘running’ it off, instead? Hey, whatever works for you.

g-stockstudio via Getty Images

The Living Alone One

Drinking on Zoom felt great, last night. This morning? Not so much. Thinking back to student days – days when you’d lounge around with housemates, watching T4 and drinking endless cups of tea – can be tough when you’re stuck living alone during lockdown. You’ll be desperate for interaction, laying in bed wondering how you’ll get through this alone. Thankfully, Houseparty isn’t only for raucous nights in. Make a call to a beloved friend and share your beer fear, together.

The Teenage One

Gone back to live with your parents during lockdown? Then you’ll be reminded of what it was like when you were a teenager. Welcome to hangover hell. You’ll stay in bed, feel faintly depressed, hate everyone – and pull the covers over your head when your dad marches in to open the curtains and tell you you’re “wasting the day”, even though it’s 9am and nobody can do anything, anyway. Yep. You are 15, again. Embrace it.