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Welcome to parenthood.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 13, 2020
Everything you own will now be sticky and broken.
Me: According to labor laws I’m allowed an hour lunch and two fifteen minute breaks— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 13, 2020
Store Manager: Ma’am you don’t work here and I’m not watching your kids for you
“Wow, that was A LOT better than I expected.” Is the wrong thing to say after your sons’ recital. I know this now.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 13, 2020
Motherhood: a life spent yelling from the bathroom.— Ohio mom of two (@OhioMomoftwo) February 13, 2020
My 4yo threw a wrapper on the floor, and I told him to pick it up and put it where it belongs. He put it in my purse. He’s not right, but he’s also not wrong.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 11, 2020
80% of parenting is replying to your kids “wow, that’s cool” without even looking.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 9, 2020
5: Why’re you looking at me?— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) February 9, 2020
5: I didn’t do anything!
Me: *squints harder*
5: OK, I colored on the walls.
Me: *squints harderer*
5: FINE, I’ll go to my room! How did you know?
Me: *still blind as fuck and unsure of which kid I’m talking to* I have my ways.
Welcome to parenting, your choices are:— Moderately Mom (@momtribevibe) February 12, 2020
A) Listen to your toddler scream and cry for 10 minutes because YOU opened their fruit snack.
B) Listen to your toddler scream and cry for 10 minutes because THEY don't know how to open their fruit snack.
Me: is everything ok today?— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) February 13, 2020
8: yeah, I'm just really emotional right now.
Me: I understand that. Is it friends? Or a class? Or anything you want to ask us?
8: no. It's just that this is the restaurant that doesn't have rice pudding. I just hate this place.
Parenthood means never not having piles of stuff on your stairs.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 13, 2020
Child: I can't wait to be grownup.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 12, 2020
Me [in my 3rd hour of paying bills]: yes it is magical
Me: What are you doing?— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 11, 2020
5-year-old: Playing with my pet.
Me: We don’t have a pet.
5-year-old: No YOU don’t have pet.
I’m suddenly very scared to go in her room.
Today’s tantrum is brought to you by the fact that I dared to give my daughter Anna’s braids when she clearly wanted Elsa’s— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 13, 2020
4yo: fold me like a towel— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) February 12, 2020
4yo: FOLD ME
4yo: stack me on top of the towels
4yo: STACK ME
Parenthood is wild
My 3rd grader told his teacher he was gonna be out of town for a few days and I told her I don’t know what he’s talking about and he will be in school tomorrow😂— Reagan Gomez (@ReaganGomez) February 12, 2020
7-year-old: How much cake can I have?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 9, 2020
Me: One piece.
7: Can a whole cake be a piece?
A moment of silence for all the cutlery my children have accidentally thrown in the trash.— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 11, 2020
Me: do that thing I like— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 12, 2020
Him: *takes kids to school so I can stay in my pjs for a few more hours*
3yo: dad sing the pussy song.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) February 11, 2020
3yo: SING. THE. PUSSY SONG.
Me: I don’t really know what that is, but you learning to talk is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
"luna you still holding the hamster?" "ummmm one sec let me check" ahhhhhkjdvjnsdjkvnsdlkfsdf— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 13, 2020
I asked my son if he wanted a snack & he asked for 5 animal crackers & 6 un-broken pretzels. So I’m definitely raising a psychopath.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 13, 2020