Kids may say the strangest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Does anyone have any advice for my 3 year old who wants to know how he can eat a different desert after deciding he doesn’t want to eat the one he just ate?
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) December 2, 2020
You probably shouldn’t teach your child to kick their dad in the chest while yelling “this is Sparta” I know this now.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) November 29, 2020
my four year old mispronounces curse words which is cute and not at all horrifying when she yells “bammit!!” and “cheese crisis!!!”
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 29, 2020
8yo: Did you know they used to have computer mouses that had wires? I don't even know how you could use those
— Buffaluffagus 🙈 (@MissSassy_Pants) November 30, 2020
Me: To strangle your coworkers
8yo: What?
Me: Huh?
Our Elf on the shelf is named Michelf Obama. Apparently today was “Bring your spouse to work” day at the North Pole. pic.twitter.com/hs8Kf3W31M
— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) December 1, 2020
If you give your toddler a spoon for her cheddar chex mix, it's not junk food, it's a fine motor skill exercise.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) December 1, 2020
Grew up listening to Indian mythology. Stories with demons, death and gory violence, and here I’m protecting my 5YO from Peppa Pig
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 3, 2020
I've started telling my kids "if I find it, I get to keep it" when they ask me to look for stuff, and it's miraculous how fast they find things on their own after that
— QuaranTWIN Dad (@DadisGrumpy) December 1, 2020
“I WANT MOMMY TO CUT MY HAIR,” my 6 year old yelled, at once exercising his bodily autonomy and exhibiting absolutely dismal decision making skills.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) December 1, 2020
If you want to piss off a toddler just tell him he’s tired.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) December 1, 2020
My 11yo just asked me if I was gonna be a "single Pringle" forever and I'm laughing so hard I can't even be mad.
— La Femme Fatali🐞 (@toomanycommas3) November 29, 2020
There are 5 of us in this house and 738 shoes by the front door this does not check out
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 29, 2020
2020 brings a whole new meaning to that part in It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas that goes "and Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again."
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 30, 2020
Our middle child (?) says we neglect him
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) November 30, 2020
My tween is cooking breakfast.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 30, 2020
87 dishes later we have 12 muffins.
The problem with children is that they are never as hung over as you are.
— Matty Pumpkin (@bestestname) November 29, 2020
Kids: Mom told us about the elf.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) December 1, 2020
Husband: She did? She told you that...
Kids: He has COVID.
Husband:
Me:
6: And he’s on a bendilator.
If a child’s laughter is the best sound in the world, then a child trying to snort a booger back up into their sinus cavity is the worst.
— Jonesy The Beautiful Idiot 🇨🇦 (@VikingJonesy) December 2, 2020
My kid: Hey mom, do we stop growing when we get older?
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 1, 2020
Me: *with a mouthful of mashed potatoes* Not in my experience honey
Me: I don’t like cake pops. I don’t like knowing people roll their hands all over them.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) November 29, 2020
11: Yeah, well a chicken pops an egg out its butt and you eat that.
Our daughter asked me what “cremation” means so I told her and she responded that it “sounds delicious” so apparently I’m raising a sweet golden-haired Hannibal Lecter
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) December 1, 2020
Other moms: making sure their kids are on task while learning remotely
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 1, 2020
Me: In another room, eating all the snacks and binge watching Netflix, shouting out “have a good day at school”