Today my daughter left me on read all day when I asked her a simple question, so I hope she’s not angry when I leave her allowance in our checking account for her simple chores.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 6, 2021
7: hey why don't we get an allowance? don't most kids get an allowance?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 8, 2022
me: no that's not a real thing
7: oh
My kid: I suck at math.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 7, 2023
Also my kid: If you raise my allowance by 52.7% for the next 7 weeks, then I'll be able to afford that pair of Air Jordan 4s I want.
My 11 y/o daughter wanted an allowance so we started negotiating a chores list but she put up her hand after a couple minutes and said, “Okay, this is great, but like when do we work in some self-care here?” Kids always know who to put first.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 12, 2022
My toddler calls allowance “aplowance” and if you correct her, you’re dead to me
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 3, 2022
14yo made 4.6 GPA for 1st semester of HS, so I gave him $40 for his savings to build a gamer PC, countering all my training that kids earn good grades for food+shelter. Boy said I was "indulging in capitalist excess," but also asked if he was still gon get his regular allowance👀
— Uju Anya (@UjuAnya) November 9, 2020
My daughter telling me not to worry because she got her own allowance from my purse did not have the effect she intended
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 8, 2024
My 10yo just asked me for his allowance and sang “I like big bucks and I cannot lie” and I know I’m not supposed to like this as his parent but I do, I really do
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 9, 2022
My son asked if I got an allowance as a kid.
— Lecrae (@lecrae) June 16, 2021
I said yeah…my mom allowed me to stay in the house rent free and eat every night.
Teen: mom when can I have some allowance
— The Baby Lady (@thebabylady7) April 16, 2020
Me: things are kinda tight
Teen: but I still get one tho right
Me: PAYMENT STATUS NOT AVAILABLE
Give your kids an allowance so they can stop selling their teeth to a fairy
— eLeni ❄️ (@eleniZarro) December 15, 2021
You should let your kids stay up however long they want but force them to go to school in the morning or they lose their allowance. That’s closer to preparing them to adulthood than making them go to sleep.
— Shower Thoughts (@ShwrThght) February 20, 2019
My 8yo folding laundry: Hey Mom! Is this huge underwear yours?
— cathryn 💚🇨🇦 (@AngryRaccoon2) March 2, 2014
So, my husband will be pleased we'll be saving a lot of money on allowance.
We settled on a $10/week allowance for the kid.
— Legal Eagle 🦅 (@AllThingsCivil) September 15, 2022
“It’s almost Friday, and your allowance!”
Kid: “Don’t forget last week’s. And for the last 5 years I’ve been in school.”
😵💫😵💫
My 8yo outlined all the chores she had done this week, demanded her allowance, then marched over and handed me my wallet.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 29, 2018
She's available if you need a pep talk before your next salary negotiation.
I give my kids an allowance to teach them about money, and I secretly steal portions of it to teach them about hidden fees
— The Dad (@thedad) November 20, 2022
When I told my kids they could start doing chores to earn an allowance, my youngest grabbed some socks and started performing a puppet show. Had to tell her that puppeteering is not a chore but a PASSION.
— Brooke Breit (@brookebreit) August 19, 2021
Me: “Out of all of the billions of kids in the world, you are my very favourite. I love you the most.”
— Jewel Staite (@JewelStaite) December 31, 2020
Wilder: “Can I have my allowance?”
I taught my kids about inflation and now I’m embroiled in an acrimonious allowance negotiation.
— Brian Brenberg (@BrianBrenberg) January 21, 2023
My husband forgot his phone in the house so my son ran in and got it and changed his wallpaper to barf emojis so I bumped up his allowance.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 12, 2022
professor dad who makes his kids submit funding proposals to increase their allowance
— Yoni Brande (@YoniAstro) February 23, 2021
I offered my oldest additional allowance money to vacuum rugs, which the kid jumped at.
— Dr. Kelly J. Baker (she/her) (@kelly_j_baker) July 18, 2021
Why haven't I been doing this already?
WHY.
My kid just told me that if Lego people live in houses made of Lego they’re technically living inside their own flesh so I raised his allowance
— Swim Jeans 👖 (@ShortSleeveSuit) April 24, 2021
Thoughts and prayers for my kids who are upset that they didn't get their allowance this week, even though they didn't do anything to earn their allowance this week.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 2, 2021
My 11yo had the nerve to ask for his allowance even though his room looks like a crime scene and I mean, imagine what he could accomplish if he used this level of audacity for good.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) January 4, 2021
We have an app that gives my daughter allowance and we can take money away if she misbehaves and note the reason.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 14, 2021
Yesterday, I took a dollar off and put in a note that said “Left half-eaten chicken drumstick on the living room floor.”
My daughter is insisting I buy twitter and has offered to help pay for it with her allowance money so either she thinks her parents are billionaires or her allowance is way too high
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 26, 2022
My teenager asked for a bigger allowance “because of inflation” and I said no because of supply chain issues.
— The Dad (@thedad) November 23, 2021